The Lord allowed a wonderful miracle to take place today. Inside the prison's visiting room I was reunited with a dear cousin whom I had been estranged from...
I hadn't seen her in more than thirty years. But today she and I had a terrific time together. There was no tension between us whatsoever. We reminisced about the past and caught up on things. She told me about other members of the family, all of whom I have lost contact with. The hours flew by and I could tell that the old wounds between us were healed. This was truly a new beginning for us. It was a joyous day.
Unknown to most people, many years ago, when I first came to prison, I "burned the bridge" between myself and my family. The only ones who refused to be pushed away were my father and a now deceased uncle. In what I would call my typical self-destructive behavior patterns which dominated my life back then - probably as a means of self-punishment - I lashed out at those who cared about me, and they left. These days, however, I have gained much in the way of understanding what these self-destructive behaviors were all about. I now realize that, because I felt guilty about the crimes I committed, I did not deserve to be shown love or receive love from others. Therefore I unconsciously tried to chase my family away, and for the most part I did. Obviously I was attempting to bring lots of emotional pain upon myself. It was self-sabotage.
Furthermore, and without realizing it until many years later, I also tried to bring emotional pain upon myself as a means of atoning for my crimes and sins. But today I would say that such attempts at self-atonement were stupid and unnecessary. It was a waste of time and I caused myself much needless grief. Because as a Christian, I now understand that Jesus Christ made full atonement for me when He died and shed His blood on the cross at Calvary.
Thirty years ago my mind was a mess. I was arrested at the age of twenty-four, and I was sentenced to life in prison almost one year later. I then arrived at the infamous Attica Correctional Facility as a confused, troubled and tormented man who thought he had no future. I saw no hope for myself. I was both frightened and overwhelmed. I was also struggling to cope with my incarceration and to make sense of everything. In addition, I had to fit into the prison culture, which, at that time, was an alien world to me. But by the grace of God, I survived.
Now, thankfully, Christ has begun to repair some of the damage I caused. He has already restored a once broken relationship with my cousin. I also believe that the best is still to come for me. And I want to thank all my friends who've been praying for this reunion. Your prayers have now been answered!
D.B.
Unknown to most people, many years ago, when I first came to prison, I "burned the bridge" between myself and my family. The only ones who refused to be pushed away were my father and a now deceased uncle. In what I would call my typical self-destructive behavior patterns which dominated my life back then - probably as a means of self-punishment - I lashed out at those who cared about me, and they left. These days, however, I have gained much in the way of understanding what these self-destructive behaviors were all about. I now realize that, because I felt guilty about the crimes I committed, I did not deserve to be shown love or receive love from others. Therefore I unconsciously tried to chase my family away, and for the most part I did. Obviously I was attempting to bring lots of emotional pain upon myself. It was self-sabotage.
Furthermore, and without realizing it until many years later, I also tried to bring emotional pain upon myself as a means of atoning for my crimes and sins. But today I would say that such attempts at self-atonement were stupid and unnecessary. It was a waste of time and I caused myself much needless grief. Because as a Christian, I now understand that Jesus Christ made full atonement for me when He died and shed His blood on the cross at Calvary.
Thirty years ago my mind was a mess. I was arrested at the age of twenty-four, and I was sentenced to life in prison almost one year later. I then arrived at the infamous Attica Correctional Facility as a confused, troubled and tormented man who thought he had no future. I saw no hope for myself. I was both frightened and overwhelmed. I was also struggling to cope with my incarceration and to make sense of everything. In addition, I had to fit into the prison culture, which, at that time, was an alien world to me. But by the grace of God, I survived.
Now, thankfully, Christ has begun to repair some of the damage I caused. He has already restored a once broken relationship with my cousin. I also believe that the best is still to come for me. And I want to thank all my friends who've been praying for this reunion. Your prayers have now been answered!
D.B.
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