Few prisoners were fortunate to have had good, loving and caring fathers while they were growing up...
I was one of the fortunate ones, however. My Dad was a good man. While he wasn't perfect - no parent is - he tried his best to raise me. And as I listened to many of my peers who were in attendance for the service on this Father's Day, I was able to hear a wide range of comments that these men had to say about their dads.
The chaplain, shortly before he was to begin his sermon, asked if any of us would like to stand up by our seats to briefly share something about our fathers. So, one by one, those who wished to do so, took a turn and spoke. As expected, most were sad tales about fathers who failed. I heard stories of dads who were drunkards or drug addicts, while others told of fathers who were aloof or absent. A few of the men said their dads were child beaters. They used the buttocks of their boys as a punching bag. Unable to deal with their anger and despair, they apparently took out their frustrations on defenseless kids.
Still, others spoke of dad they never knew. Some because their dads were emotionally distant, while others spoke of fathers they never knew because their mothers confessed to not knowing who the father was. They had too many boyfriends to know for sure which one was the dad. And a couple of the men told of fathers who fled before they were born. Running from the responsibility of having to raise a child, they chose to disappear. They were never to be heard from again. My chaplain referred to these fathers as "Missing in Action."
Missing in action is a good way to describe it. Whether their respective fathers were emotionally distant or physically absent, the inner pain that each of these men had to experience while they were growing up is the same. For whatever reasons, a father was not there for his son. He was unable to nurture his boy. He was a bad example as a parent. However, the sad irony is that, today, in this prison's chapel sat men who behaved in the same bad way their fathers did. Apparently they followed in the footsteps of their dads. Now their children are growing up with absent fathers. Obviously, then, absent fathers produce absent fathers. Life indeed goes in a full circle where all parties make the same mistakes over and over.
How unfortunate is it, therefore, to find that boys who watched their fathers stick a needle into their arms for a heroin high, eventually become addicts themselves, causing their own kids to see what they had to see. Like a popular adage says, "Like father, like son."
Then, when it was Michael's* turn to speak, he said that fathers are perhaps fast becoming an "endangered species." It startled me to have it put so bluntly. In a split second, the truth of this profound statement resonated in my spirit. Are good fathers becoming harder to find? Is this true? Are devoted, child-nurturing fathers fast becoming extinct in America? Michael thinks so, and so did many of the men who immediately nodded in agreement with him.
But as my chaplain went into his sermon, he reminded us that there is hope. The story is not as bleak as it sounds, he said. Because, as we who are Christ's disciples continue to follow the Lord and obey His words, things can turn around. God's word, he said encouragingly, has the instructions we need to become better parents and better citizens. The holy Scriptures give good advice on how to overcome sin and how to make wise choices. We do not have to remain as criminals, the minister proclaimed. "Crime is a choice." Instead, the Lord can teach us how to follow after righteousness and goodness, but not by our own strength or power. And it is not by positive thinking, either, he admonished. Rather, it is only through the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit in the life of a Christian that makes this possible. I agree. Because many of these men have deep regret over how they treated their children and how that they, as fathers, were missing in action. But now they're doing what they can to raise their kids right. They really want to be the kind of dads God wants them to be. And it is not an easy task while a father must live behind the walls of a prison. But with Christ, all things are possible.
D.B.
*Michael is an elder in church here at the prison. He is an older man who has grown children. His son is doing time in a medium security prison on charges unrelated to his dad's.
The chaplain, shortly before he was to begin his sermon, asked if any of us would like to stand up by our seats to briefly share something about our fathers. So, one by one, those who wished to do so, took a turn and spoke. As expected, most were sad tales about fathers who failed. I heard stories of dads who were drunkards or drug addicts, while others told of fathers who were aloof or absent. A few of the men said their dads were child beaters. They used the buttocks of their boys as a punching bag. Unable to deal with their anger and despair, they apparently took out their frustrations on defenseless kids.
Still, others spoke of dad they never knew. Some because their dads were emotionally distant, while others spoke of fathers they never knew because their mothers confessed to not knowing who the father was. They had too many boyfriends to know for sure which one was the dad. And a couple of the men told of fathers who fled before they were born. Running from the responsibility of having to raise a child, they chose to disappear. They were never to be heard from again. My chaplain referred to these fathers as "Missing in Action."
Missing in action is a good way to describe it. Whether their respective fathers were emotionally distant or physically absent, the inner pain that each of these men had to experience while they were growing up is the same. For whatever reasons, a father was not there for his son. He was unable to nurture his boy. He was a bad example as a parent. However, the sad irony is that, today, in this prison's chapel sat men who behaved in the same bad way their fathers did. Apparently they followed in the footsteps of their dads. Now their children are growing up with absent fathers. Obviously, then, absent fathers produce absent fathers. Life indeed goes in a full circle where all parties make the same mistakes over and over.
How unfortunate is it, therefore, to find that boys who watched their fathers stick a needle into their arms for a heroin high, eventually become addicts themselves, causing their own kids to see what they had to see. Like a popular adage says, "Like father, like son."
Then, when it was Michael's* turn to speak, he said that fathers are perhaps fast becoming an "endangered species." It startled me to have it put so bluntly. In a split second, the truth of this profound statement resonated in my spirit. Are good fathers becoming harder to find? Is this true? Are devoted, child-nurturing fathers fast becoming extinct in America? Michael thinks so, and so did many of the men who immediately nodded in agreement with him.
But as my chaplain went into his sermon, he reminded us that there is hope. The story is not as bleak as it sounds, he said. Because, as we who are Christ's disciples continue to follow the Lord and obey His words, things can turn around. God's word, he said encouragingly, has the instructions we need to become better parents and better citizens. The holy Scriptures give good advice on how to overcome sin and how to make wise choices. We do not have to remain as criminals, the minister proclaimed. "Crime is a choice." Instead, the Lord can teach us how to follow after righteousness and goodness, but not by our own strength or power. And it is not by positive thinking, either, he admonished. Rather, it is only through the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit in the life of a Christian that makes this possible. I agree. Because many of these men have deep regret over how they treated their children and how that they, as fathers, were missing in action. But now they're doing what they can to raise their kids right. They really want to be the kind of dads God wants them to be. And it is not an easy task while a father must live behind the walls of a prison. But with Christ, all things are possible.
D.B.
*Michael is an elder in church here at the prison. He is an older man who has grown children. His son is doing time in a medium security prison on charges unrelated to his dad's.
