The first incident, as I shared in yesterday's journal, was more like a cry for help and attention…
The second man, however, seriously injured himself. He had multiple slashes and cuts, and had he cut himself any deeper, he would be in eternity right now. He lost a lot of blood too. Thankfully he will survive.
Shortly after I first came to prison in 1978, I made several suicide attempts. As a result, I ended up at the same psychiatric hospital that I mentioned yesterday. At the time I had been displaying bizarre behavior and I was having difficulties coping with prison life. And all of this was going on when I was confined to an isolation cell at New York State's Clinton Correctional Facility in the tiny town of Dannemora, which is near the Canadian border.
During this period of my life, even though it was almost 25 years ago, I remember my feelings of dread, despair, and hopelessness, as well as a lot of self-hatred. I wanted to die, but God watched over me. Now my days of self-destruction are over with. But I still vividly recall the desire to die and end it all, juxtaposed with a deep longing to live and survive. I am certain that these two men are experiencing the same or similar feelings.
Interestingly, the Bible describes the lives of criminals and those who do bad things as being like a troubled sea which is full of unrest. It is never calm. And while the sea is in its agitated state, it casts up all the mud and dirt that was on its bottom, polluting it (Isaiah 57:20-21).
Tragically, both these men have a history of suicide attempts as well as other forms of self-destructive behaviors. Neither has any inner peace. I believe, therefore, that unless each man encounters a radical life-changing event, they will probably continue along their downward paths.
I like these guys. I care about them. I hope they eventually get out of prison and succeed in life. However, I regret to say that the way they are now, simply walking out of a prison is not going to change anything for either one.
Nevertheless, I will continue to pray for them. I will try to help them whenever I can, provided, of course, that they eventually come back to the Mental Health cellblock and do not get transferred to another facility.
At every opportunity I will continue to tell these two that God cares about them, and that He will never give up on them. I will tell them that suicide is a waste. Life is precious and God can give each of these men a new start as well as complete forgiveness and a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
D. B.
Shortly after I first came to prison in 1978, I made several suicide attempts. As a result, I ended up at the same psychiatric hospital that I mentioned yesterday. At the time I had been displaying bizarre behavior and I was having difficulties coping with prison life. And all of this was going on when I was confined to an isolation cell at New York State's Clinton Correctional Facility in the tiny town of Dannemora, which is near the Canadian border.
During this period of my life, even though it was almost 25 years ago, I remember my feelings of dread, despair, and hopelessness, as well as a lot of self-hatred. I wanted to die, but God watched over me. Now my days of self-destruction are over with. But I still vividly recall the desire to die and end it all, juxtaposed with a deep longing to live and survive. I am certain that these two men are experiencing the same or similar feelings.
Interestingly, the Bible describes the lives of criminals and those who do bad things as being like a troubled sea which is full of unrest. It is never calm. And while the sea is in its agitated state, it casts up all the mud and dirt that was on its bottom, polluting it (Isaiah 57:20-21).
Tragically, both these men have a history of suicide attempts as well as other forms of self-destructive behaviors. Neither has any inner peace. I believe, therefore, that unless each man encounters a radical life-changing event, they will probably continue along their downward paths.
I like these guys. I care about them. I hope they eventually get out of prison and succeed in life. However, I regret to say that the way they are now, simply walking out of a prison is not going to change anything for either one.
Nevertheless, I will continue to pray for them. I will try to help them whenever I can, provided, of course, that they eventually come back to the Mental Health cellblock and do not get transferred to another facility.
At every opportunity I will continue to tell these two that God cares about them, and that He will never give up on them. I will tell them that suicide is a waste. Life is precious and God can give each of these men a new start as well as complete forgiveness and a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
D. B.
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