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AriseandShine.org

January 2003

Thinking About Suicide

1/30/2003

 
It looked as if he was thinking of killing himself… 
I could see it in his face, a face that was awash with tears. I've seen this look before.
 
This afternoon I had the opportunity to talk with a man who was obviously contemplating suicide. He was crying when I walked by his cell. He saw me and quickly tried to avert his eyes. But I caught a glimpse of that certain look. And when I stopped to ask him what was wrong, he began to cry all the more.
 
His name is "Joe T." He has a history of "cut-ups" (*) and other suicide attempts. He has been in prison for about fifteen years.
 
Joe. T. came to jail when he was in his late teens having been charged with murdering another man in what police officially listed as a robbery. But Joe once told me that he knows that the guys who did it were trying to impress other gang members.
 
Joe grew up in the Coney Island section of Brooklyn, a borough in New York city. He was at the age when many teens in his drug infested neighborhood longed to be gangsters. He is a high school dropout with an extremely low reading level.
 
Till this day he proclaims his innocence. He told me that he was only passing by a storefront when the victim was shot to death by another young man. That he simply walked off, minding his business and not wanting to get involved, when the police picked him up a few blocks away. A witness ultimately pointed to Joe as the gunman.
 
 After talking with Joe for a while, I had to tell the officers on duty that this man was showing the classic signs of being suicidal. They went over to speak with Joe. Then after about five minutes of talking with him, they went back to their desk to make a few phone calls to report the situation to various members of the prison's mental health staff. They're required to do this.
 
When they were done speaking with Joe, I went back over to him to chat some more. He had begun to give away some of his personal items like new towels and clothes to his friends. This is a bad sign and a clear cry for help. I told those guys to hang on to Joe's things until he got his head together. None of his friends really wanted anything from him. They understood that he was very depressed and was not thinking clearly.
 
A while later one of the facility's mental health staff came into the cellblock. I talked with her a bit before she went to talk with Joe. Since he can hardly write I would sometimes help Joe write letters to his mother or sisters. I know that he wants to go home, and his family wants him home. Yet no amount of wishing can get a man out of prison.
 
As it turned out, after interviewing Joe, the mental health staff member determined that he would not have to be placed on a special suicide watch. If he had to go this route it would have entailed his getting taken out of his regular cell and placed in a special observation cell in the Mental Health Unit.
 
I will keep my eye on Joe and stop by to talk and pray with him when I can.
 
D. B. 
 
(*) In prison jargon, to "cutup" or "cutting up" refers to slashing one's wrist or other parts of the body.

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    David Berkowitz
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