Apprehension

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God:
​I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee.
Isaiah 41:10

I would love to say how wonderful things are for me right now, and how happy I am...

Yes, I have happiness in the Lord and in knowing Jesus as my Savior. However, I must confess that at this time I am filled with quite a bit of apprehension at the upcoming anniversary of my arrest and capture, and at the prospect of more media coverage about the Son of Sam case. As I wrote in yesterday's entry, the date of August 10 has little meaning for me.

By the grace and mercy of God I am now a new creation in Christ, and have been for about twenty-four years. In Christ's eyes old things have passed away. My life is hid with Christ, too. This is what the Scriptures declare to be so for every Christian (2 Corinthians 5:17 and Colossians 3:1-4).

Yet, in spite of what God's word declares, I am still a human being and my flesh is weak. Right now I dread the possibility of more coverage in the media about my criminal past. It is like a nightmare that never seems to fully and completely go away.

I know Jesus is with me, and He loves me. But at this time I remain apprehensive, and my spirit is very heavy and sad. I want so much to go on with my life. Thus I shall continue to pray through this as I keep my trust in the Lord. Better days will come.

D. B.