My mother Pearl's untimely death in 1967 at the age of fifty-two, left my dad without a wife, and me without mom...
Our family of three was now down to two, and the loss was beyond grief. My father was now a widower, and I was motherless. Not only this, but for me, my mom was my rock. With my father having to work six days a week at his little neighborhood hardware store, he was away most of the time. So, my mother became my advocate and friend. While for my dad, his wife was everything to him.
As time went on, I could see the effects of his loss. His hair turned gray, and he seemed to have aged overnight. He would come home after his usual ten-hour day in the store, only to fall asleep in his favorite recliner chair. As a then fourteen-year-old, I watched helplessly as my grieving dad was being eaten up by loneliness.
Then to add to this, when my dad came home, most of the time he would find our apartment empty. I was usually hanging out someplace, either in the street or at a friend's house. As a "latchkey" kid who could come and go as I pleased, I was mostly out and about, even until late in the evening.
About a year later, my father and I moved across town to make a fresh start. The neighborhood we were living in was overrun by crime. So off we went to make a new life for ourselves. I found new friends, and so did my dad.
My father joined a senior citizens singles group, while I ran with a new crowd. But for him, he actually found a nice lady who was a widow. A few years earlier, her husband had a heart attack and passed away. She was alone and lonely, and so was my dad. It was love at first sight.
They began dating like two happy teenagers. I wasn't even aware that my dad found someone. I would see him get dressed after supper and head out the door. I thought he was going off to play cards, and I would go out too. But by the time I got home, my dad was usually in bed. He had his life, and I had mine. We seldom did anything together.
And then I met her. My smiling father introduced me to Julia. I was surprised. I was glad he found a female friend his age. But I also felt a sense of resentment because I saw this woman as taking my mom's place. Looking back, it was selfish of me to think this way. I was only seventeen at the time, and immature. But my dad deserved to have companionship.
In 1970 my dad and Julia got married. She moved in with us. It was quite a shock, and a big change for me. I now had a stepmother. My dad had a wife. And I had to learn how to deal with a situation which I didn't care for. My reaction? I stayed away from home even more. And when it was time for me to graduate high school, I went straight into the Army.
In the ensuing years, I would go on to finish my three-year enlistment in the military. I would return home to see my dad sell his store and step into a well-deserved retirement. He and Julia bought a condominium apartment in Florida, while I went off to rent my own apartment in the Bronx.* I was twenty-one at the time.
Unfortunately, several years later, I would end up in prison. My dad was grief-stricken, but Julia was always there at his side to uphold and comfort him. While a few years before this, when one of Julia's two daughter's committed suicide in 1972, my dad was there to comfort her.
Since their marriage in 1970, my dad and Julia were an inseparable couple. Through times of tragedy and joy, they kept their vows. When Julia passed away in 2008 at the age of ninety-one, my dad had to once again go it alone. He lived four more years without her, dying at age 101.
Looking back, I misjudged my stepmom. I resented her for taking the place of my mother, Pearl. That was childish of me. Julia was truly a gift for my father. She took away his loneliness and gave him a reason to continue to live. Julia, I've come to realize, was not just a wife and mother, she was an angel entrusted to my father by God himself.
D.B.
*The Bronx is a borough within the boundaries of New York City.
As time went on, I could see the effects of his loss. His hair turned gray, and he seemed to have aged overnight. He would come home after his usual ten-hour day in the store, only to fall asleep in his favorite recliner chair. As a then fourteen-year-old, I watched helplessly as my grieving dad was being eaten up by loneliness.
Then to add to this, when my dad came home, most of the time he would find our apartment empty. I was usually hanging out someplace, either in the street or at a friend's house. As a "latchkey" kid who could come and go as I pleased, I was mostly out and about, even until late in the evening.
About a year later, my father and I moved across town to make a fresh start. The neighborhood we were living in was overrun by crime. So off we went to make a new life for ourselves. I found new friends, and so did my dad.
My father joined a senior citizens singles group, while I ran with a new crowd. But for him, he actually found a nice lady who was a widow. A few years earlier, her husband had a heart attack and passed away. She was alone and lonely, and so was my dad. It was love at first sight.
They began dating like two happy teenagers. I wasn't even aware that my dad found someone. I would see him get dressed after supper and head out the door. I thought he was going off to play cards, and I would go out too. But by the time I got home, my dad was usually in bed. He had his life, and I had mine. We seldom did anything together.
And then I met her. My smiling father introduced me to Julia. I was surprised. I was glad he found a female friend his age. But I also felt a sense of resentment because I saw this woman as taking my mom's place. Looking back, it was selfish of me to think this way. I was only seventeen at the time, and immature. But my dad deserved to have companionship.
In 1970 my dad and Julia got married. She moved in with us. It was quite a shock, and a big change for me. I now had a stepmother. My dad had a wife. And I had to learn how to deal with a situation which I didn't care for. My reaction? I stayed away from home even more. And when it was time for me to graduate high school, I went straight into the Army.
In the ensuing years, I would go on to finish my three-year enlistment in the military. I would return home to see my dad sell his store and step into a well-deserved retirement. He and Julia bought a condominium apartment in Florida, while I went off to rent my own apartment in the Bronx.* I was twenty-one at the time.
Unfortunately, several years later, I would end up in prison. My dad was grief-stricken, but Julia was always there at his side to uphold and comfort him. While a few years before this, when one of Julia's two daughter's committed suicide in 1972, my dad was there to comfort her.
Since their marriage in 1970, my dad and Julia were an inseparable couple. Through times of tragedy and joy, they kept their vows. When Julia passed away in 2008 at the age of ninety-one, my dad had to once again go it alone. He lived four more years without her, dying at age 101.
Looking back, I misjudged my stepmom. I resented her for taking the place of my mother, Pearl. That was childish of me. Julia was truly a gift for my father. She took away his loneliness and gave him a reason to continue to live. Julia, I've come to realize, was not just a wife and mother, she was an angel entrusted to my father by God himself.
D.B.
*The Bronx is a borough within the boundaries of New York City.
