Tears

I am weary with my groanings;
all night I make my bed to swim;
I water my couch with tears. 
Psalm 6:6

My tears and groanings began suddenly, and I was not expecting this...

Yesterday I was able to attend two good and spiritually uplifting worship services in the chapel. Then today (Sunday) we had another nice service. And as I usually do, I led the congregation in praise and in giving thanks to God while my chaplain led in a congregational prayer, and as the choir sang their selection of songs.

After lunch, however, I was tired. So I took a nap for about an hour. But when I awoke I became overwhelmed with feelings of grief and sadness. I must have had a bad dream about my father. I miss him very much. And it hurts me, too, that my family has rejected a belief in Jesus as their Messiah.

In addition, I began to groan and grieve for various people, strangers. It felt as if my heart was being cut. I had deep sorrow when I thought about the families of those who died in the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks and for those who died in acts of crime and violence.

These painful feelings lasted for several hours. I was driven into deep and travailing prayer. I also went outdoors for an hour to walk and silently pray. And even now, late in the evening, I am still numb. God somehow crushed something deep inside me.

D.B.