"I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my
bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears."
Psalm 6:6 NLT
Today, I want to share a secret that most people don't know about prison...
bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears."
Psalm 6:6 NLT
Today, I want to share a secret that most people don't know about prison...
...and will never know from watching television shows and documentaries about prison life. That many an incarcerated individual has filled his pillow with tears.
It's true. I know because I've been locked up for forty-seven years and have wet my pillow on numerous occasions. And other men from all walks of life have confessed to doing the same. Why? Because shame and regret and guilt have taken their toll on even the most outwardly hardened of us.
The truth is, grown men cry. We really do. But we're good at hiding it. However, one cannot hide from his conscience. Well, maybe for a while, he can. Nevertheless, in the course of time, as days turn into years, those feelings of failure, and the awareness that we took lives and destroyed the hopes and dreams of those who loved our victims, will not allow us to escape.
Even David, Israel's warrior King, could not hide his guilt. And when the anointed prophet Nathan confronted the King about his crime (2 Samuel 12:1-13) - the murder of one of his top generals by the name of Uriah - all David could do is acknowledge his guilt and cry (Psalm 51).
It's no different with me, nor with my fellow convicts. We've shed an abundance of tears. Even noted mobsters and highly esteemed gang members, have privately told me of their regrets. How they wish they could go back in time and rethink the bad choices they made.
Guilt is a powerful emotion. And depending on how it's handled, it could either lead a man to repentance, or to damnation. But either way, there's no escaping it. It will guide you to heaven, or it will follow you to Hell.
I have never derided a grown man from crying into his pillow. Instead, I commended him. And I readily confess that I too have done the same, and many times at that. "It shows that we're human," I would tell them. And we are.
D.B.
It's true. I know because I've been locked up for forty-seven years and have wet my pillow on numerous occasions. And other men from all walks of life have confessed to doing the same. Why? Because shame and regret and guilt have taken their toll on even the most outwardly hardened of us.
The truth is, grown men cry. We really do. But we're good at hiding it. However, one cannot hide from his conscience. Well, maybe for a while, he can. Nevertheless, in the course of time, as days turn into years, those feelings of failure, and the awareness that we took lives and destroyed the hopes and dreams of those who loved our victims, will not allow us to escape.
Even David, Israel's warrior King, could not hide his guilt. And when the anointed prophet Nathan confronted the King about his crime (2 Samuel 12:1-13) - the murder of one of his top generals by the name of Uriah - all David could do is acknowledge his guilt and cry (Psalm 51).
It's no different with me, nor with my fellow convicts. We've shed an abundance of tears. Even noted mobsters and highly esteemed gang members, have privately told me of their regrets. How they wish they could go back in time and rethink the bad choices they made.
Guilt is a powerful emotion. And depending on how it's handled, it could either lead a man to repentance, or to damnation. But either way, there's no escaping it. It will guide you to heaven, or it will follow you to Hell.
I have never derided a grown man from crying into his pillow. Instead, I commended him. And I readily confess that I too have done the same, and many times at that. "It shows that we're human," I would tell them. And we are.
D.B.
