When it comes time for an incarcerated individual to appear before the Parole Board...
...the average man or woman is excited. Facing the possibility of release from confinement is the desire of the average inmate, but I'm not the average inmate. Because of the notoriety of my case, which is known by the media and the general public as the "Son of Sam" shootings, my going before the Board becomes a big deal for the Board's panel.
Some forty-seven years ago, my crimes shocked the nation. I'm not proud of this by any means. In fact, I am both horrified and ashamed by the whole thing. For me, it was a nightmare from which I still experience terrible memories along with guilt, shame, and regret. And while I have also experienced Christ's peace and forgiveness, these other things do on occasion rise to the surface, as they would for any human being who is truly remorseful for his bad actions which brought grief and suffering to others.
Nevertheless, with no real chance of being granted parole, I went to my hearing, albeit reluctantly. Why with reluctance? Because going before the Board always leaves me traumatized. Their indifference, and at times even their hostility mixed with a lack of empathy for the emotional struggles I had beginning in childhood, leave me feeling like a failure. While overfocusing on the past leaves little room for acknowledging my many successes during the decades of my incarceration.
So why do I bother to attend the hearings? It's because I'm a Christian, and I want to use the opportunity to share my faith with the commissioners who happen to be serving on the Parole Board on that particular day. And without playing the role of a preacher, as I am not there to recite scriptures, I will simply reply to their questions, such as, "Tell us, Mister Berkowitz, how is that you have maintained such an exemplary disciplinary record?" I would politely say how God's word declares that I am to obey those in authority, and that's what I do.
And when I'm asked how I spend my days, I will explain my involvement in the prison's chapel helping to conduct Bible studies, as well as working at my assigned job of "Chaplain's Clerk." Also, how I spend a lot of my free time answering correspondence, writing my online journal, and in doing many other positive things.
More importantly, I will have the opportunity to take responsibility for my crimes, and to express remorse over the senseless loss of innocent lives. And while in all actuality, none of what I say will impact the Parole Board's ultimate decision, as they always give me the usual "two more years" hit, I can at least get the satisfaction of telling them, in a respectful way, that "I am a better person today because of Jesus Christ."
D.B.
Some forty-seven years ago, my crimes shocked the nation. I'm not proud of this by any means. In fact, I am both horrified and ashamed by the whole thing. For me, it was a nightmare from which I still experience terrible memories along with guilt, shame, and regret. And while I have also experienced Christ's peace and forgiveness, these other things do on occasion rise to the surface, as they would for any human being who is truly remorseful for his bad actions which brought grief and suffering to others.
Nevertheless, with no real chance of being granted parole, I went to my hearing, albeit reluctantly. Why with reluctance? Because going before the Board always leaves me traumatized. Their indifference, and at times even their hostility mixed with a lack of empathy for the emotional struggles I had beginning in childhood, leave me feeling like a failure. While overfocusing on the past leaves little room for acknowledging my many successes during the decades of my incarceration.
So why do I bother to attend the hearings? It's because I'm a Christian, and I want to use the opportunity to share my faith with the commissioners who happen to be serving on the Parole Board on that particular day. And without playing the role of a preacher, as I am not there to recite scriptures, I will simply reply to their questions, such as, "Tell us, Mister Berkowitz, how is that you have maintained such an exemplary disciplinary record?" I would politely say how God's word declares that I am to obey those in authority, and that's what I do.
And when I'm asked how I spend my days, I will explain my involvement in the prison's chapel helping to conduct Bible studies, as well as working at my assigned job of "Chaplain's Clerk." Also, how I spend a lot of my free time answering correspondence, writing my online journal, and in doing many other positive things.
More importantly, I will have the opportunity to take responsibility for my crimes, and to express remorse over the senseless loss of innocent lives. And while in all actuality, none of what I say will impact the Parole Board's ultimate decision, as they always give me the usual "two more years" hit, I can at least get the satisfaction of telling them, in a respectful way, that "I am a better person today because of Jesus Christ."
D.B.
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