After spending some quality time in prayer this morning...
...I now want to add more thoughts to what I had expressed in yesterday's Journal entry.
I have total and complete gratitude in my heart for the mercy and forgiveness God Almighty has shown to me. And looking back upon that tragic time of 1975 through 1977, I cannot offer any excuses for my actions. I do know that I was, in many ways, not in my right mind, and that I was living in utter torment and was under strong satanic influences and powerful delusions.
All my thoughts were twisted and illogical. The good became bad and the bad became good. One could never understand this unless one understands the teachings and ideas that come forth from satanism. I was under gross deception. Yes, I knew right from wrong, in the legal sense. But I was by this time in such a weakened state of mind, there was just nothing left in me to offer resistance. I went along with the forces which had been reaching out to me for so long. I was at a point where I did not care anymore. My feelings were gone; my emotions had died.
Back then it was as if an evil hand from the unseen realm was engineering everything. There were so many ways that things, bad things, seemed to supernaturally fall into place. I was totally sold out to the belief that this was my calling in life. And looking at this from the vantage point of today, as I sit in my little prison cell and contemplate my life, I am so disappointed with myself for sinking so low.
I feel stupid for allowing myself to be controlled by thoughts that I am now convinced were not all my own. I know some people will see this as see this as a "cop out" or a state of denial. They can think what they want. But over time as God began to heal my mind, I began to understand these things.
What I am saying is not crazy stuff. Any Christian who understands the things about God will tell you that what I am saying is correct. Even Dr. Billy Graham will state that the Spirit of God is fully capable of speaking to a person's heart and mind. Christians all throughout the world will attest to hearing the voice of God speaking in their spirit and also, at times, being able to know the mind of God.
In any event, over time God has spoken very clearly to my mind, and He has indeed revealed these things to me. Thanks to Him, I have a better understanding of what had happened and how this "Son of Sam" tragedy all came about. It is too painful to dwell upon, and I seldom think about it anymore. I am only going over these things at this time for this journal, that perhaps others may better understand the powers of darkness, and hopefully even better appreciate God's powers of love, forgiveness, healing and hope.
And I want to end today's entry with a short prayer:
"Lord, I ask you to continue to bring healing into the lives of those whom I have hurt in the past. Touch them with your love and help them to cope with the pain and loss and grief that never seems to go away. Thank you, Father God. In Jesus' name, amen."
D.B.
I have total and complete gratitude in my heart for the mercy and forgiveness God Almighty has shown to me. And looking back upon that tragic time of 1975 through 1977, I cannot offer any excuses for my actions. I do know that I was, in many ways, not in my right mind, and that I was living in utter torment and was under strong satanic influences and powerful delusions.
All my thoughts were twisted and illogical. The good became bad and the bad became good. One could never understand this unless one understands the teachings and ideas that come forth from satanism. I was under gross deception. Yes, I knew right from wrong, in the legal sense. But I was by this time in such a weakened state of mind, there was just nothing left in me to offer resistance. I went along with the forces which had been reaching out to me for so long. I was at a point where I did not care anymore. My feelings were gone; my emotions had died.
Back then it was as if an evil hand from the unseen realm was engineering everything. There were so many ways that things, bad things, seemed to supernaturally fall into place. I was totally sold out to the belief that this was my calling in life. And looking at this from the vantage point of today, as I sit in my little prison cell and contemplate my life, I am so disappointed with myself for sinking so low.
I feel stupid for allowing myself to be controlled by thoughts that I am now convinced were not all my own. I know some people will see this as see this as a "cop out" or a state of denial. They can think what they want. But over time as God began to heal my mind, I began to understand these things.
What I am saying is not crazy stuff. Any Christian who understands the things about God will tell you that what I am saying is correct. Even Dr. Billy Graham will state that the Spirit of God is fully capable of speaking to a person's heart and mind. Christians all throughout the world will attest to hearing the voice of God speaking in their spirit and also, at times, being able to know the mind of God.
In any event, over time God has spoken very clearly to my mind, and He has indeed revealed these things to me. Thanks to Him, I have a better understanding of what had happened and how this "Son of Sam" tragedy all came about. It is too painful to dwell upon, and I seldom think about it anymore. I am only going over these things at this time for this journal, that perhaps others may better understand the powers of darkness, and hopefully even better appreciate God's powers of love, forgiveness, healing and hope.
And I want to end today's entry with a short prayer:
"Lord, I ask you to continue to bring healing into the lives of those whom I have hurt in the past. Touch them with your love and help them to cope with the pain and loss and grief that never seems to go away. Thank you, Father God. In Jesus' name, amen."
D.B.