Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you,
and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Matthew 5:11
No matter what I have to go through and no matter what I must face from day to day…
and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Matthew 5:11
No matter what I have to go through and no matter what I must face from day to day…
…I know without a doubt that the Lord is with me. Even my painful trials are for a purpose. I may not understand why, but I'm not required to know everything. I must simply trust in my God with childlike faith knowing that He has everything under control, that I'm in His loving care.
So this morning at breakfast, when I received the sad and agonizing news, I knew in my heart that what is now happening to me is for a reason. For just as I expected, the media has begun to go after the families of the victims of my crimes and some of the surviving victims themselves.
About fifteen or so inmates approached me individually to tell me that there was a report on one of New York City main TM news stations about the parole hearing. A reporter had interviewed some of these wounded people.
I have absolutely nothing against them speaking out. Naturally they are angry with me, and they hate me very much. I don't blame these people for feeling this way. It was I after all, who hurt them and brought so much pain, grief, and sorrow to their lives.
However, what did hurt was when some of them attacked my faith in Christ. The father of one of my victims called me a fake and a phony. He publicly alleged that my Christianity is all a “sham.” Another person said that I was playing the role of a Christian in order to get out and “kill again.” Well, talk about pain!
When I received these reports from concerned fellow inmates who were trying to look out for my welfare, it hurt. I went back to my cell for a good cry and to have a long talk with the Lord.
Frankly, I don't care if people hate me for my past. I expect people to be angry and to despise me. I despise my own criminal actions. Yet I know that I have asked for God's forgiveness a long time ago. I repented of my sins, and I poured out my heart in remorse to Jesus Christ. I believe, too, that in heaven there are a lot of bottles that are filled with tears with my name on them.
In any event, before noon time, the Lord had completely encouraged and strengthened me in my spirit. He took away the pain of rejection and the agony of condemnation which the world, as I certainly know, spills out in an endless supply. There's just no shortage of condemnation in this world. Angry people who do not know my heart and who have a burning hatred for me, wasted no time maligning me, and this in front of millions of people.
Amazingly, in this dark moment of my soul, the Lord spoke to my spirit and told me to relax. The Lord comforted me with His love. He told me that there's a big reward awaiting if I stay faithful to Him, if I endure. He encouraged me to always maintain my Christian testimony no matter what others may say. Unfortunately, these people have spoken falsely. But I do forgive them and I pray God's best for their lives.
Sadly, however, I believe that these victims are being exploited. The news media has been quick to capitalize on their anger. I knew this was eventually going to happen. And I find it ironic that in the "information age" we're supposedly living in, the media has done a terrific job of keeping the public ignorant of my feelings about this upcoming parole hearing. My views are readily available on the Internet (see my journal entries for February 19 and 20, and my letter to Governor Pataki). I do pray that this hearing will be over soon, that everyone will be able to get on with their lives.
Now, however, I must learn to endure the false accusations and lies which have been spoken against me. I love Jesus Christ. He's my Savior and Lord. The world can mock me, but my life has been hidden in Christ. I belong to Him forever.
D.B.
So this morning at breakfast, when I received the sad and agonizing news, I knew in my heart that what is now happening to me is for a reason. For just as I expected, the media has begun to go after the families of the victims of my crimes and some of the surviving victims themselves.
About fifteen or so inmates approached me individually to tell me that there was a report on one of New York City main TM news stations about the parole hearing. A reporter had interviewed some of these wounded people.
I have absolutely nothing against them speaking out. Naturally they are angry with me, and they hate me very much. I don't blame these people for feeling this way. It was I after all, who hurt them and brought so much pain, grief, and sorrow to their lives.
However, what did hurt was when some of them attacked my faith in Christ. The father of one of my victims called me a fake and a phony. He publicly alleged that my Christianity is all a “sham.” Another person said that I was playing the role of a Christian in order to get out and “kill again.” Well, talk about pain!
When I received these reports from concerned fellow inmates who were trying to look out for my welfare, it hurt. I went back to my cell for a good cry and to have a long talk with the Lord.
Frankly, I don't care if people hate me for my past. I expect people to be angry and to despise me. I despise my own criminal actions. Yet I know that I have asked for God's forgiveness a long time ago. I repented of my sins, and I poured out my heart in remorse to Jesus Christ. I believe, too, that in heaven there are a lot of bottles that are filled with tears with my name on them.
In any event, before noon time, the Lord had completely encouraged and strengthened me in my spirit. He took away the pain of rejection and the agony of condemnation which the world, as I certainly know, spills out in an endless supply. There's just no shortage of condemnation in this world. Angry people who do not know my heart and who have a burning hatred for me, wasted no time maligning me, and this in front of millions of people.
Amazingly, in this dark moment of my soul, the Lord spoke to my spirit and told me to relax. The Lord comforted me with His love. He told me that there's a big reward awaiting if I stay faithful to Him, if I endure. He encouraged me to always maintain my Christian testimony no matter what others may say. Unfortunately, these people have spoken falsely. But I do forgive them and I pray God's best for their lives.
Sadly, however, I believe that these victims are being exploited. The news media has been quick to capitalize on their anger. I knew this was eventually going to happen. And I find it ironic that in the "information age" we're supposedly living in, the media has done a terrific job of keeping the public ignorant of my feelings about this upcoming parole hearing. My views are readily available on the Internet (see my journal entries for February 19 and 20, and my letter to Governor Pataki). I do pray that this hearing will be over soon, that everyone will be able to get on with their lives.
Now, however, I must learn to endure the false accusations and lies which have been spoken against me. I love Jesus Christ. He's my Savior and Lord. The world can mock me, but my life has been hidden in Christ. I belong to Him forever.
D.B.