September 2008

I am watching an ingenious little spider as he busily spins a web along a corner of the overhead fluorescent light fixture that's attached to the ceiling directly above my writing table. I assume he's learned that an electric light can be a useful lure that attracts flying insects to it. No doubt he's hoping to snag a nice gnat or two for supper.

Watching him, I cannot help but think of this spider as a very diligent worker. He will not quit until he is satisfied that his web is just right. My guest is a survivalist as well as a clever craftsman. This amazing creature is laying a seemingly endless amount of silken fiber which he actually manufactures from within his abdomen. I've heard that such fiber has a degree of strength which baffles entomologists. And how such a small spider could make miles of strong fiber from inside its belly remains an inexplicable marvel.

Furthermore, this little spider is resourceful. He's making good use of what man has made and has incorporated these things into its domain. He works alone, however, and he appears to be oblivious to my presence. He seems to be unconcerned that a giant-like human is sitting just several feet below him, studying his every move.

My new cellmate is a wise engineer, as well. He's never had to be taught how to weave a web or how to design it for maximum catch effectiveness. He was born with this knowledge. There was no mother spider to show him the way. His tiny brain was fully developed at birth. Another marvel still.

I wonder, too, if he knows that I do not eat bugs or spiders. His God-given instincts may have already informed him of this, for he shows no fear of me. So I'll leave him alone to work on his web. Nevertheless, I'd like to believe that, somehow, he sees me the way I see him, as a unique part of God's creation.

D.B.

Today in church I spoke with a prayed for a lonely father who yearns for his son, whom he misses very much. He hasn't seen his child for several years. The boy is now six. His father has at least twenty more years to do on his sentence before he's eligible for parole. He was pleading for prayer. So he and I bowed our heads and closed our eyes as I petitioned heaven in behalf of this man and his child. However, my time with this despondent dad reminded me of a poem I'd written many years ago titled, Goodnight, My Son.

Therefore, after church, I made it my business to look for the poem. I found it buried with a pile of papers that where in a plastic storage bin beneath my bunk. I think the last poem best expresses the feelings any incarcerated parent would have for his or her child. God willing, tomorrow I will include it as a part of my journal.

D.B.

I wrote this poem on October 22, 1989. It is part of a collection of 69 poems I'd written before they were misused at the hands of two supposed friends. It's a long story of lies and betrayal. However, afterwards I had become so discouraged and despondent, that by 1991 I stopped writing poetry altogether. But yesterday's talk with a lonely father who aches for his little boy caused me to include it here:

Goodnight, My Son

Goodnight, my son,
Goodnight, my son,
Have sweet and pleasant dreams.
A watchful eye I'll keep for thee,
Tho I'm far away, it seems.

Goodnight, my son,
Goodnight, my son,
May serenity come to thee.
Many miles away,
I linger, thinking
of you and me.

Oh, if this could be...
I'd like to be free one day,
As free as a bird in flight,
To hold you, hug you,
Kiss your cheek,
And wish you a pleasant
Goodnight!

D.B.

What occurred on September 11, 2001 was a devastating and horrific tragedy. Teams of terrorists launched a series of crushing blows upon the United States of America. But those who know the Lord have the "hope of salvation" birthed in our hearts by the Word of God. It's a hope which cannot be extinguished, not even when a disciple of Jesus Christ experiences pain, suffering or loss.

And there are men in this prison who are unknown to society, who are fervently praying for a spiritual awakening to come to our nation. Of course many are oblivious to this. It's hard for them to conceive of convicted felons praying for America. But this is indeed the case. I see it first-hand when we gather for prayer inside the prison's chapel. I see their tears and I hear their cries.

Thus while men like myself remain hidden from the world, we're not hidden from the Lord. And we shall continue to believe by faith for things not yet seen, but hoped for, nonetheless.

D.B.

Yesterday I was talking with another inmate who's a Christian, too. I told him that in spite of the difficulties we may face in life, even if such difficulties are self-inflicted, that if we trust in the Lord, He will see us through. I then suggested, in order to encourage him, that we read Romans 8:18 together. It's one of my own most often referred to verses in the Bible. I guess this is because in my lifetime I've had to endure a lot of suffering, myself.

Yet God assures His children that whatever hardships we encounter at any give time, if we keep our faith in Him, these things will become blessings instead of nothing more than painful experiences, which is the way most people unfortunately view them. For it is in our seasons of suffering where we will find the grace to endure. And we'll also find ourselves drawing closer to Christ, while becoming more intimate with Him, as well. After all, the Scriptures tell us that the Lord Jesus became the "captain" of our salvation by the things He suffered while on earth (Hebrews 2:10).

Therefore, as the disciples of Christ, we can, in the process of time, learn how to face our trials with joy rather than despair. But we must keep our hope in the Lord and not give up.

Best of all, I believe that our present sufferings, whatever they may be and however unpleasant they seem, will help us to better appreciate heaven. For in heaven there will be no more sorrow, grief or disappointment, nor sufferings of any kind. For the glory of the Lord will outmatch these things. While being in the actual presence of our Savior will cause us to forget all the pain we experienced while on earth.
Hallelujah!

D.B.

Yesterday I was having a time of prayer and Bible study before the 6:30 wake-up bell was to sound requiring every inmate to get up from his bed to be counted. It's part of the daily routine. But at the time I'd been reading from the Old Testament book of the prophet, Amos. And while I was doing so, something strange began to occur. It was as if the Lord was reaching into my soul to give me a renewed level of strength and power, which I sensed had been lacking in my life. It was like a fresh fire was beginning to stir in my heart for the things of God.

Yet none of this seemed to have anything to do with what I'd been reading. I know that Amos was a bold man who was filled with zeal. He was called to preach to a sin-laden nation, and he spoke with great determination because of the love he had for the people. In addition, Amos was only a herdsman and a farmer by trade. He came from a place of obscurity to confront the corrupt politicians and religious officials of his day, calling them, along with all the people, to repentance. Or they would face the judgments of the Lord.

Yet the religious rulers and almost everyone else withstood Amos. They tried to intimidate the prophet, and they questioned his authority to claim to speak for the God of Israel. He therefore encountered a great amount of rejection and scorn.

As for me, however, I experienced something good, but strange, as well. Yesterday my heart had been empowered from above, and I'm grateful.

D.B.

I continue to remain on a medical restriction from work due to what was a serious staph infection in my right leg. The lymph node which runs down my right thigh, and the area surrounding my kneecap, was hideously swollen. I wrote about this in last month's journal. According to the prison's doctor, I had a close call. He said I was fortunate not to have lost the leg. As a result I had to spend almost two weeks in the hospital. Now, however, I am on antibiotics, at least for awhile longer.

But I was allowed to go outdoors, and it was a picture perfect day. Yet very soon I won't be able to go outdoors during the mornings because I will be back at work in the kitchen. Though, for now, I am usually permitted to use the yard. And this is what I did this morning. I spent it walking with two good friends who happened to be off from their assigned jobs as well. For me walking is good because it will help my circulation, which I need to do in order to help fight this infection.

Today I was especially privileged to be under a canopy of hundreds of fluffy white clouds of all shapes and sizes as they danced across a crystal blue sky.

D.B.

This morning I shared a short exhortation during the worship service. I read Isaiah 43:1-2 and 43:18-19. I then explained to the congregation that the Lord will make a way for His people no matter what circumstances we may find ourselves in. As His word promises, when we go through the waters, we will not drown. And when we go through our "fiery" trials and enter into what the Bible calls the "furnace of affliction," we won't get burned. Instead, we'll come through every one of these situations smarter and stronger, but this is true only if we do not lose our faith and give up.

I told the men that Satan roars like a lion because he wants to intimidate us into inaction. He desires that we be fearful and doubting. Yet the Lord will silence him. And when the devil launches his flaming arrows at us, the "shield of faith," if it is used properly, will deflect those searing projectiles so that they do us no harm.

"Actually our trials are blessings in disguise," I said. Furthermore, the Lord will ultimately get the glory for protecting His children while we're in the wilderness. He will also get the praise due Him for providing for our spiritual and physical needs while we're in the desert. Yes, the Lord will make a way where there appears to be no way.

D.B.

See Ephesians 6:10-18