November 2008

I thank God for the times in my life when, as a part of this spiritual journey, I have to be made to wander alone in the wilderness. For it is in such a solitary place, where the journey seems unending, that I have my most intimate and precious moments with the Lord.

Furthermore, it is in the wilderness, when the path is obscure and my steps uncertain, that such conditions actually help to keep pride from forming in my heart. Instead I am forced to become more dependent upon Christ; I'm directionless without Him.

And this is the challenge for every Christian, I believe. We must keep ourselves from gradually developing a self-sufficient attitude, or from carelessly thinking that one's own abilities or strength is enough to get through life.

Rather, our strength comes from the Holy Spirit. He alone gives each of us the ability to serve God. And it is the "fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and self-control)" which the Lord wants to develop in our lives. His desire is that we fill the world with the sweet scent of His love. And it takes many travels through the wilderness to accomplish this.

D.B.

Learning godly humility as well as learning how to consider others more important than one's self, is a life long endeavor. And humility is basically trusting the Lord while depending upon Him for all things, even for one's very soul.

And I believe that I am now getting a better and more biblically correct outlook towards understanding humility, especially as I work in the prison's kitchen. For I see myself as a mere servant who is, about all else, working for my Lord Jesus Christ. In addition, I also think of my job and the responsibilities it entails as a labor of love for the men who live here.

After all, the Lord did not consider himself to be above bowing down to wash each of His disciples' dirty feet as an example of servitude and humility. It was a divine demonstration of brotherly love, as well. Therefore I can do something similar by washing the dirty pots and pans that our food is cooked and served in. And I can do the same with the hundreds of food stained and filthy trays, eating utensils, soup bowls and shared drinking cups that my fellow prisoners use each day. For me, serving God in this manner, and serving the men, is becoming a joy.

But as for being a truly humble person, I've still got a long ways to go.

D.B.

What I have learned in prison is actually what I've learned about life. That life is sacred and every human being is of great worth to his family, his community, and to his Creator. Also that life is worth living no matter what circumstances a person may find himself in. We should value our own lives and the lives of others. Furthermore, where there is life there is hope.

D.B.

There can be no argument that prison is a place of pain. It's a world where anger, rage, frustration, loneliness and disappointment daily confront those who are confined here. Likewise, it's a place where failures in life are joined together in large numbers. There's bitter weeping over bad choices, betrayal by supposed friends, ruined lives, and by the inevitable realization that herein dwell men who have self-destroyed their dreams.

Yet prison can also be a place for hope, because in here one has the opportunity to learn who you are as a person. It's where a man has the chance to confront his true self and admit to his errors.

Moreover, prison can become the place where a man could get to know and serve the Creator, if he chooses to. For in this environment the Lord can and does display His mercy and His power to those who begin to seek Him. In fact I have seen the love of God soften the hardest of hearts and break asunder souls of steel. And this is because Christ's message of forgiveness to all who call upon Him will cause one's faith to flourish. While His light gives a man hope for a new day.

Still it is a challenge to rise above the madness of incarceration. Since, in here, it is not uncommon to find many prisoners giving in to a spirit of despair. And when this happens to a man he won't be able to see the beauty of he sun and sky. Instead, a wall of darkness will grip his mind as well as cloud his vision of the future. In this state of mind, all hope will be gone.

Yet there are inmates who, by the grace of God, experience victory, joy and contentment in their lives. Not because they're incarcerated, but in spite of it all. But it is only after having fought a good fight of faith, and by each of them choosing to stand in the power of the Lord against all the opposition, and against the seemingly endless forces of negativity that are behind these walls. This is true of every correctional facility.

You see, in prison a man either becomes a better person, or he merely continues along the path of criminality. He can choose to waste his time or use it wisely for his benefit. But each man must decide all this for himself. No one can or will make the decision for him.

D.B.

This morning I awoke to find a light dusting of snow on the already frozen ground. Winter is coming. Nevertheless, I've been staying busy in the kitchen, and I share the gospel whenever I can. I've also been trying to slow down a little in order to devote more time to prayer and Scripture reading. My soul has been thirsty. I'm in need of spiritual refreshing from the Lord. And at least several nights a week I've been going outdoors to walk in the cold air.

Like Jeremiah wrote in his Old Testament book called Lamentations, "I am the man that hath seen affliction by the rod of His wrath (Lamentations 3:1)." Yet I can also say along with this prophet, "This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. It is because of the Lord's mercies that we have not been consumed. His compassions never fail (Lamentations 3:21-22, my paraphrase)."

Yes, even in spite of my difficult days and my times of tiredness, it is good to both wait and hope in the Lord.

D.B.

I am thankful to have several Christian friends who work with me in the prison's kitchen. We can talk about the Lord and discuss Scriptures whenever we have the opportunity. Also, one of the correction officers who's assigned to watch over us is a Christian, too. So whenever he's on duty and I'm on a break, I could go over to his station and spend a few minutes with him. His name is Officer Jay.* Like me, he always carries a small Gideon New Testament in his back pants pocket.

Officer Jay is an older man in his late 50s. He has enough years on the job to retire, whenever he decides to do so. But I will definitely miss him when he does retire. For now, however, he and I are able to fellowship in the workplace.

D.B.

*Officer Jay is not his real name.

Yesterday approximately 600 cans of assorted food products were loaded into a private van at the prison's parking lot. From here they went to the New Greater Bethel Church's food pantry located in the Cambria Heights section of Queens for eventual distribution to hungry families in New York City.

Three times per year the inmates here at Sullivan Correctional Facility are allowed to donate canned goods, everything from corn to sweet peas, and tuna fish to sardines. The cans are collected at pre-arranged times. They're then boxed up and handed to the members of New Greater Bethel after Sunday services in the chapel.

For many years now the Christian community here at the prison has been doing this. And any inmate can choose to donate one or more cans, if he so desires. Then, whatever food items we provide are sent to the church's pantry. From here the cans will reach the hungry and the homeless.

I know the men are thankful for being afforded the privilege of helping those in need. In fact prisoners frequently perform unnoticed deeds of kindness such as this.

Personally I think it is a beautiful thing to help feed the poor. Besides, many of the men have so little to give. But they do what they can out of compassion, and because God has touched their hearts.

D.B.

Kwazi was watching me intently as I sat with Willard in the break room. He and I were discussing the Bible when Kwazi, a devout Muslim, walked in. The break room is where the prison's kitchen workers could hang out, play cards or chess, or simply rest awhile until we have to return to our assigned areas.

Willard is a large black man of about 270 pounds, and he's roughly 6'2" in height. I've known him for several years. He is a soft-spoken individual, very smart and well read. He reminds me of the proverbial "gentle giant."

Over time, Willard and I had had many discussions about God and "religion." And today Willard asked me a question about the life of Christ. So as I was in the process of answering him, in came Kwazi. I've known him for a long time, too. Kwazi is a determined recruiter for the prison's mosque. In fact it was only several days ago when I came across Kwazi and Willard engaged in a discussion about Islam.

But this time Kwazi saw me as a competitor. He's been trying to get Willard's soul, yet so have I. Meanwhile, Willard is somewhere in the middle, not sure of what he wants to believe in.

Nevertheless, I could tell by Kwazi's facial expression that he was not happy to find me speaking to Willard. When he first entered the break room, Kwazi greeted us with a pleasant hello. Then he took a seat about six or seven feet away where he proceeded to fix his eyes upon me and Willard. Kwazi had a noticeable frown as his watching eyes seemed to blaze into us. It was a creepy and uncomfortable feeling for me. Yet Willard and I were able to talk for a few more minutes before our time was up.

D.B.

Willard and Kwazi are not their real names.

Journal writing can be a daunting task, and an erratic work as well. For there are times when the words will flow easily from my heart on to paper, while at other times my mind is as blank and the words won't come. Yet I love to write. I'm thankful, too, for the opportunities I have to share my faith through this journal, and to reach people around the world with the message of God's love for humanity, and with words of hope.

However, during the past several months I haven't written as much as I usually do. There are several reasons for this. I need to give the Webmaster time to catch up with getting my journal posted online. I'm a prolific writer. So sometimes I'd forget how much work is involved in posting these entries. In addition, I've got a busy work schedule, and there are weekly chapel services and Bible studies I must attend. Also my heart has been heavy as a result of my Stepmother's commitment to a nursing home followed by her recent passing.

Yet I know it's only a matter of time before I resume my usual pace. Or perhaps the Lord will direct me to slow it down. We'll see.

D.B.