November 2007

A young man came up to me earlier today and asked me a question. He said, "Dave, how do you handle doing such a lengthy prison sentence without having lost your mind?" He knows, of course, that I have been incarcerated for more than thirty years. And, by the way, I've been asked this question many times before. But my answer is always the same. I told him that while doing "time" is difficult, I no longer see myself as serving a prison sentence. "Instead," I said, " as a Christian, I see myself as serving the Lord." I then added that this makes a "big difference."

"Doing time," I told him, "means that my life is not controlled by the circumstances I've been forced into." I explained that if the length of my incarceration always occupied my mind, it would mean living with despair and hopelessness. And, I said, "If I lived with the mindset of a 'Lifer (an inmate who's doing a life sentence),' I'd merely be grinding out the days until I eventually got released or died."

"But this is not how I see it," I told him. "Looking at my situation with the mind of Christ," I said, "I see myself as living on a mission field." I explained that I'm surrounded by souls who need to be introduced to Jesus, and this is what I live for.

These days my focus is on what God is doing in here, and on what He is doing in my own life as I continue to place my faith and hope in Him.

Actually, I see prison as a place for hope to thrive. For it is within the confines of correctional facilities where Jesus Christ can find men and women living in desperate straits. They're in dire need of His loving care.

To me prison is also a place to mature, spiritually, as well as in other ways. This does not mean, however, that I want to remain here all my life or that I like prison; I don't like prison! In many respects it's an awful place of misery and torment. Yet I've chosen to look at life from a positive perspective. Rather than languishing in despair I am prospering, instead. But this is only because God is with me. He has allowed me to find a degree of favor with both the staff and inmates. Otherwise, if not for the Lord, I'd be a miserable man.

D.B.

It's been a long time since I last taught a Bible study. Today, however, because the inmate who usually teaches the Sunday class had to attend another event, he asked me to cover for him. So I gladly filled in as a substitute teacher.

Many years ago I taught this very class, although all those who attended it are long gone. It's held most Sundays from one to three o'clock in a room in the school area. But when the Lord led me to become the pastor of the congregation, I passed on the responsibility of teaching to my friend, Alan. He, in turn, when he was preparing to go back to court on an appeal, gave the baton to Felipe. And today I took the class in Felipe's absence.

My topic was about having a "sound mind" and on being a strong Christian. My main text was 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and having a disciplined mind." Next we went to 2 Peter 1:3-11 to discuss the larger realm of a Christian's life. We examined the different ingredients that are listed in this passage (faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love), and how they're to meld and develop together as we grow into men who are spiritually mature and biblically sound. It was a good experience for me to teach this small group of precious souls.

D.B.

This morning I looked out my window to find a fresh coating of snow on the ground. So when it was time for the recreation yard to open, I went outdoors. I spent approximately 90 minutes walking with a friend in the freshly fallen snow enjoying the crunching sounds beneath my feet. Then, in the afternoon, I attended a worship service in the chapel. A group of lay Christians came to fellowship with us.

The woman who was in charge of the ministry team, "Sister Carmen," asked me to say something to the congregation. So I spoke for about ten minutes on the grace of God. I read Ephesians 2:1-10 from the New Testament, then told everyone how "rich in mercy" the Lord is.

And I was also able to share some of my own story of how I came to believe in Jesus. I explained that when we repent of our sins and place our faith in Christ, God immediately forgives us. He then begins to transform our lives and make us brand new. I told the church that when we ask Jesus to forgive us, we go from being "children of wrath" and "children of disobedience," to becoming God's children. I said that God washes away our sins by the blood of His Son. That He cleanses us so He could use us.

Then, when I was finished speaking, another inmate, Luis, told his story of being delivered from being a member of a murderous gang. He was also a practitioner of Voodoo before his conversion to Christianity.

For the remainder of the service, however, the guests took their respective turns either singing songs or reading from various Bible passages. Finally, the main speaker gave his sermon and concluded the service with an altar call.

Afterwards, as I walked the prison's corridors enroute to my cell, I was able to see from the windows in the corridors that most of the snow had melted. It's been a good day.

D.B.

Throughout the years I have seen God do many good and wonderful things in the lives of those who've placed their trust in Him. The forgiveness of one's sins and being "born again" are only the first steps in a Christian's journey. As it says in the Twenty-Third Psalm, "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life (Psalm 23:6)." And they have!

For in spite of the struggles I've encountered and the many difficult days I must deal with as I live out my life in prison, Jesus Christ has shown Himself to be consistently good.

So, earlier today, as I contemplate the 77th Psalm, what came to mind is that God gives His children a sense of belonging that is unsurpassed. He has also placed me into a large family called the "Church." He says that I am of great worth and value to Him, even if society may not think so. Besides, it's what the Lord says that counts. He always has the final word. He is the God who does wonders.

D.B.

As a Christian I believe there is a need to pray for my fellow Christians who live in the Third World countries where there is often overt persecution being carried out against them. These men and women suffer greatly because of their faith in Jesus Christ. Yet in spite of such oppression and persecution, the churches in these nations are growing. Those living in such places are repenting of their sins. They're placing their hope in the Lord. While, at the same time, in the United States of America, there appears to be increasing elements of anti-Christian repression. And these individuals and groups are working hard to eliminate "Christ" from our land.

One day, however, America may become more like a pagan nation as God gets shoved from our borders. Then, as a result, we will lose our position of power and influence in the world. As our economy shrivels, and as an increasing number of our leaders are exposed for their dishonesty, it may very well be that Christians living in what are now Third World countries will find it necessary to send missionaries into the Untied States to convert us. North America will by this time have the largest number of "heathen" on the planet. While those in lands where churches are now blooming, will contain the generation of missionaries needed to be sent here to save barbaric Americans from our sins, and from our selfish and hedonistic ways.

Can anyone else see this too?

D.B.

Not everyone in the body of Christ cares about those who are incarcerated in our nation's jails and prisons. This may be because of fear, distrust, indifference, or a lack of genuine love and compassion for those who are lost in their sins, and who've committed crimes against society as well. However, as I have often expressed in my journal, prisons and jails are probably some of the biggest mission fields in the United States. And this was reinforced today when I happened to hear a news piece on the CBS 880AM radio station which broadcasts out of New York City. According to the report, there are now more than 2.2 million people who are currently locked-up in America, which is more than at any previous time in history.

From one perspective, this is sad and tragic. In such a highly developed country as the United States of America, many still commit crimes and end up in correctional facilities. Their self-destructive choices also results in tens of thousands of their victims suffering loss and hurt. But from my point of view, it is a golden opportunity for the church to step up her witness to such a captive audience as this. For there are men and women from all walks of life who need to know that Jesus Christ loved them enough to die for their sins, and that He has risen from the grave and wants to forgive all who place their faith in Him. May we therefore not squander such an eternal responsibility.

D.B.

Because it is Thanksgiving I only had to work for a short while. So I had most of the day for myself. And being that the weather was nice after almost a week of rain, dampness and fog, I was able to stay outdoors for several hours. It felt good to be in the fresh air.

However, during a time of Bible reading before breakfast, I was especially encouraged by the above verse from the New Testament book of Hebrews. Even though I serve the Lord out of love and, hopefully, with pure motives (for only God knows my heart), I was reminded that He has rewards prepared for those who've given their lives to helping others in His name.

I, of course, like my fellow Christians, do not serve the Lord with the desire to get paid. Yet He was indeed promised to repay all who have labored for Him. And besides this, God is the one who is working through His people in the first place. My body is simply to be a willing vessel for His use.

Jesus is a generous King. One day, according to the holy Bible, He will pay His servants handsomely. Even the smallest of deeds will never go unnoticed by His watchful eyes.

D.B.

The other day I was telling a friend via a letter that in the prison setting Christians have better opportunities to learn to work with, love and tolerate one another than do those who attend church on the outside. I believe it's because, in this environment, there's only one church to go to. It's the only congregation in town. Whereas, in other places Christians can be found jumping from one fellowship to another whenever they have a disagreement, or when some kind of personality clash develops with another member. They'll leave if they don't like the way the pastor preaches or how things are run. They're quick to find a new church to join.

But prison is where "church jumping" is not an option. We've no choice but to learn how to love one another. We're compelled to grow together, too. For none of us can leave here to find a congregation to suit our own personal wants. As both convicts and Christians, we're forced to learn how to go the "extra mile" as we put up with idiosyncrasies and differences we see in each other.

Therefore, by the grace of God, we'd find ourselves sticking together as an imperfect body of believers who share one Lord and a common faith. This has been a challenge, of course. But it's a blessing as well.

D.B.

Because the crimes I committed were so horrendous, and because I tried in the name of Satan to destroy God's creation (even though I was under a strong satanic delusion at the time), I confess that I am not worthy to proclaim kinship with the Lord Jesus. I am undeserving of membership in God's household. Nevertheless, the Lord, who is graciously merciful, has chosen to spare my life. And this is for a purpose which He Himself knows.

So when I think of the magnitude of God's forgiveness, and when I ponder the hell He has rescued me from, I cannot be anything but grateful. In fact I do not have the words to express the love and gratitude I have in my heart for my heavenly Father.

I know I have a debt to pay. Of course I cannot pay for my salvation. The Son of God has already taken care of my sin debt when He went to the cross. But I do owe Him my life. And when I reflect on matters such as this, I find that I must echo what the apostle Paul said many centuries ago: "I'm not even worthy to be called a child of God."

Frankly, no one will ever be worthy. We've all fallen short of God's perfect standard. Thus each of us must honestly confess that we do not deserve forgiveness. Instead, our salvation is all Jesus' doing. Therefore He alone is worthy of all honor, glory and praise. Amen.

D.B.

In recent weeks, for reasons unknown, three men from different backgrounds, all of whom live in the E-North cell block, attempted to take their own lives. And their attempts were serious enough that, if not for the timely intervention of correction officers who happened upon them while making their rounds, they might have died.

It gets like this at times where suicides or attempts at it happen in cycles. This is especially true in E-North where the prison's "Intermediate Care Program" is located. "ICP," as it is called for short, houses inmates who are dealing with various "mental health" issues. They've been designated as needing special care. And this is where I have been working during weekday afternoons for many years, so I know. Depression, despair, frustration and hopelessness are some of the demons which afflict many of E-North's residents.

Nevertheless, it troubles me when I encounter such overt attempts at suicide. Two were by hanging, and one man slashed his wrists, probably with a sharp can top.

I think, however, that there are occasions when such suicides or attempted suicides have a spiritual element to them; it's not only psychological. I believe there are instances when evil spirits will provoke a person if he is troubled in his mind, and thereby more vulnerable to taking his life. I don't think it happens this way all the time. But it does occur whether well-meaning mental health professionals believe in the supernatural or not. After all, people can be ignorant of such things, and psychologists are no exception.

To reject the idea that demons exist, and that such creatures could, to a degree, be responsible for many suicides, is to me very tragic, but I understand. Those who do not have the Spirit of God living inside them through faith in Jesus Christ, could never comprehend such things. Yet their rejection of this doesn't make it false.

In any case, there are three men who are now either confined to the Observation Unit, which is located in a restricted part of the facility, or they may already have been transferred individually to the Central New York Psychiatric Center in the town of Marcy.

Interestingly, all three unrelated incidents happened late at night when the inmates are confined to our respective cells. About once every hour, a lone officer will walk the tiers of the housing areas to make a quick check of each man, most of whom are asleep. Such round making occurs in every prison, and it continues until the 6:30 wake-up bell sounds for the morning head count.

I know from three decades of incarceration that it's during the late night hours when, for prisoners, suicidal thoughts become more pronounced. Of course a man could kill himself at any time. I've known several who've taken their lives in the daytime. Yet it is during the long and lonely evenings when a man finds himself alone with his thoughts. Pent up feeling of failure and guilt arise. And Satan is a clever opportunist. With no one else to talk to, and especially with men who have already been diagnosed with depression and other mental maladies, the voices that call for suicide become louder.

It is the darkness where the Devil does his dirtiest works. And convincing men to kill themselves is one of his specialties. He did this with Judas Iscariot. Satan, according to the holy Bible, entered into Judas in order to get him to carry out his mission of betrayal. Then when the Devil was done using Judas, he got him to get a rope and hang himself. This is what the Devil often does when he's finished with a soul. "Kill yourself," he whispers. But soon that whisper becomes a shout, "Kill yourself now!"

Sadly, all too often men do what Satan tells them. Eventually, they self-destruct. God, however, is a Being of hope and a giver of life. The Devil wishes to hurry death and thereby speed men into eternity, unredeemed. Jesus, meanwhile, calls us to a life of peace, as well as to eternity with Him.

As a result of these suicide attempts, I am trying to be more alert. When I am at work in E-North, and also when I'm in my own cell block in the general population, I am watching for signs of depression. Most men, especially in a prison environment, are experts at hiding their true feelings behind macho masks of pride and self-sufficiency. Still, I seek for lives that might be on the brink of suicide. I need the Lord's guidance for such a task, and so does every Christian in the place.

D.B.