March 2009

My soul yearns for the presence of the Lord. I long to be with Him, forever. But until that day comes I must remain upon this earth to serve the Lord, and to help my fellow man.

Consequently, my desire to be near Christ has, of late, caused me on at least several occasions per week, to be aroused from sleep. I would awaken sometimes after midnight with a strong desire to pray. Then I'd leave my bunk and bow down on the floor in order to whisper my pleadings and petitions to heaven.

I believe in my spirit that the United States of America will be undergoing many chastenings and wake-up calls because we have forgotten the Lord. And, unfortunately, it will take many painful events and national tragedies to awaken us. As pride and self-sufficiency are the enemies of true humility, they keep us from having total trust in God for all our needs, and for our safety, as well.

Yet I also remain convinced that God has not forgotten America. He has not cast us aside. There is still hope. But it is up to us, and our leaders, to seek the Lord and call upon Him. For this I yearn, and for America I pray.

D.B.

I finished work at 12:30 this afternoon. I'm beat. But I have off for the remainder of the weekend. So I am going to catch up on washing clothes. Then I plan to spend time with the Lord. Tomorrow I'm planning on doing the same. I need to recuperate. Therefore I hope to devote the entire weekend to prayer, reading the Bible, writing in my journal and simply allowing myself to rejuvenate from a physically draining week. And God is faithful to renew my strength as I continue to trust in Him for all my needs.

D.B.

Today marks the "Feast of Purim" when Jews everywhere celebrate the victory God had given them over those who sought to destroy the Jews and wipe them from the face of the earth. The Lord, knowing ahead of time about the plot against His people, raised up a woman by the name of Esther. She would eventually become queen under the powerful rule of Ahasuerus, King of Persia.

Esther was a physically attractive Jewess chosen by the Lord and placed into a unique position by Him for such a time when her family, and the entire Jewish race, would need deliverance. And in the end they were saved while those who plotted against them were destroyed.

Therefore, as is my custom, during the season of Purim I would read through the Old Testament book of Esther. I've read it many times before. But this time I found myself desiring an ever increasing faith in which all those obstacles that often appear before me to block my spiritual path, become smaller, while my faith grows larger. Likewise, by faith, I want to leap over all forms of opposition sent by the adversary (Satan) that seek to hinder my relationship with the Lord.

D.B.

I believe the Lord is leading me to shut in with Him and cease from all physical activities for the entire weekend. As is the case every Saturday, I am done with my work in the kitchen at 12:30 in the afternoon. So I now plan to do much the same as I did last weekend. I tried to recuperate as best I could by staying indoors and resting. I've been feeling exhausted, and I have a lingering tiredness. It doesn't even go away with a good night's sleep. Therefore I am taking the advice of Doctor Jesus. I'm going to stay inside my cell except to come out to eat or take a shower. I am going to rest, relax, and sleep.

D.B.

This morning I was reflecting upon the eternal security the Christian receives when he places his faith and trust in Jesus. As a result of this, not only does he have a personal relationship with the Lord, but Jesus comes to live inside that person's heart. He has been living inside me for more than twenty years now.

How wonderful are Christ's promises for those who believe in Him. In Jesus I am safe and secure. And while I live inside of a maximum security prison that's surrounded by concrete walls and electronic fences, such things cannot keep Him out. Nor can any of this prevent Him from using me for His heavenly purposes.

In Christ all my needs are being met. He surrounds me with His love. And whether I am facing a difficult day or an easy one, I remain the apple of His eye. So does every one who trusts in Him.

D.B.

Although my job as a dish washer and pot and pan cleaner is about to come to an end (Saturday is my last day) I am thankful to have had such a job. For in the time I was assigned to the prison's kitchen I showed both the facility's administrative staff and the correction officers that I could be trusted. To even get a job in the kitchen requires a special security clearance. Actually every candidate for the kitchen must be personally approved by the Deputy Superintendent for Security. And I did my job. I worked hard. I received the grade of "Excellent" in every category that's listed in my last quarterly performance evaluation. I also got along well with both the guards, the civilian staff, and my peers.

Most of all, the Lord has been teaching me about brokenness. Being a dish washer is a 16 cents per hour position - my starting pay. However, after three months I advanced to 22 cents. Very humbling! I think the average laborer working in the early 1920s made about the same pay. Nevertheless, it was a personal challenge to be a "pastor at the pots."

Because I am an elder in the prison's church, this was an opportunity to show my brothers that I will gladly take the lowest of jobs and do my required tasks without complaining. I was able to get dirty and sweaty because I saw myself as working for the Lord, and not for men. So I hope my witness for Jesus was a good one.

D.B.

It has been another season for change. Yesterday I officially began my new job as a "mobility guide" for the sight-impaired prisoners. Actually it's really an old job which I've done for many years, but I am returning to it now having left the kitchen.

God made a way for this to happen. My new schedule is manageable and advantageous for the time I must set aside for prayer and Bible study. I'm also afforded time to write more since I am off during the mornings. This means I have mornings free for myself. I could choose to remain in my cell or go to the library. I could also go to the outdoor recreation yard, too.

Currently the hours for my first work assignment of the day are from 12:45 to 3 P.M., Monday thru Friday. On these days I am providing assistance for the men who live in the prison's Intermediate Care Program. They're classified as being in need of special care due to various mental health impairments.

Then, in the evenings from Tuesday thru Saturday, I help those who are classified as legally blind. This is my second job. Thankfully my schedule also allows me to attend chapel services and Bible studies without any interference.

D.B.

Many times the Lord is so good to me that I feel as if I should pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming or if I am really awake.

From March 25th to the 27th Focus on the Family radio reaired an interview I did with them approximately five years ago. I first learned of the rebroadcast a few weeks ago when I received a surprise letter from Focus on the Family informing me of their decision to once more put the interview over the airwaves. So this became yet another opportunity for me to tell people what Jesus did in my life. That He is merciful, and how He is willing and able to forgive even the worst of sinners, like me.

Also, as I write this, another miracle is taking place. Some friends of mine are now meeting with one of my relatives, a person whom I have been estranged from for more than thirty years. They've already been in regular and friendly contact with this relative via the telephone and by e-mail. Today, however, they're finally getting together with her for lunch.

I have to thank the Lord for His answer to my prayers. I'm always asking God for opportunities to share my story of hope. The 3-part Focus on the Family broadcast was an answer to my request. Furthermore, the healing of a heart that I wounded more than three decades ago is also an answer to prayer. Yes, it has been a week of miracles.

D.B.

The story of the man who had been demon possessed until the time of his encounter with the Lord Jesus Christ is one of my favorite stories in the New Testament. I could relate to it because I, too, was once a very tormented person.

And as I wrote in my last journal entry, it was a nice surprise when I learned of Focus on the Family's decision to rebroadcast an interview I did with them. Indeed I am deeply grateful to Dr. James Dobson and the staff at Focus on the Family for their courage and willingness to allow me the opportunity to share my faith with their radio listeners. They could have "played it safe" and bypassed my testimony, as many ministries have. For them my story is too controversial. They're afraid to "rock the boat." But Focus on the Family chose to step out on faith and trust God for the outcome; the results were good. Many listeners responded graciously. Their comments were encouraging. And lives were touched and inspired when everyone was reminded that there is always hope in Christ.

Furthermore, since the three part interview was aired last week I have received close to 20 letters (see two of them). An array of kind listeners let me know they were helped in their walk with the Lord. And while, because of my present state of incarceration, I cannot travel physically through America's towns and cities to personally tell people of Jesus' love for them, I was able to lift up the Lord's name through the medium of radio. For this I am thankful far more than words could ever express.

D.B.

There is nothing special about me. I am an ordinary Christian who desires to represent the Lord Jesus by telling others about His wonderful salvation. I want to be faithful to Christ and dedicated to my calling.

Mostly, however, the Lord uses my life to give hope to those who are spiritually needy - the hurting, lonely, depressed, addicted, and those who incorrectly think they've done too many bad things to be forgiven. I'm to tell them that Christ can and will forgive all who come to Him with an attitude of genuine repentance and in honest faith. After all, Jesus loves humanity. He will never turn anyone away.

And as for my own relationship with Him, I know I fall short. I have a long way to go to become the person I should be. And while this may sound self-effacing, it's not. Rather, it is an honest assessment of my own life. I need to mature in the "fruits of the Spirit," and in other areas as well. This is how I see myself - a man who's in need of improvement.

D.B.