March 2007

I cannot seem to shake the feeling that the United States of America is in grave danger. It appears to me that many in our nation are distancing ourselves from God and His moral laws. In many schools, prisons, public pages, and even in the military, as examples, God is being ousted. The very mention of the Lord's name is now being prohibited more and more. And this scares me.

I believe, too, that as this continues to happen, hearts will harden. People will become prouder than ever. They will have no desire to seek a relationship with their Creator. Nor will they have any desire to worship God or thank Him for the many blessings He has already bestowed on this great land.

In my heart I long for true revival and national repentance. I shall continue to hope and pray for this. Nevertheless, my gut feeling is that destruction in coming upon us. However, I do not mean total destruction. But I am certain that acts of great damage and devastation are ahead. When? I don't know. Yet I believe there is still a short time left to turn things around, to seek the Lord, to humble ourselves before the Lord of the universe to ask for His forgiveness and His help.

Therefore, with this in mind, our heartfelt cry should not be, "May God bless America." He's already been doing this for more than two hundred years. Instead our cry should be, "May God have mercy upon America."

D.B.

PS. I am writing today's journal with tears in my eyes.

It's happened in the past and it has happened once more. On the night of Saturday, March 3rd, I went to sleep. Everything was fine up to this point. But when I awoke the following morning, however, I could barely walk. When I opened my eyes on Sunday I found that my left foot was badly swollen. I was also in extreme pain.

Thus I was unable to go to church. Fortunately, I did send word to both my chaplain and the congregation that I would not be coming. I could hardly walk.

Then on Monday I made my way to the prison's Infirmary for "sick call." I had to sit in the waiting room for an hour or so until it was my turn to see the nurse. He took my blood pressure, which was very high. In fact it was elevated to a point where the doctor stepped into the examination room and asked if I wanted to go into the hospital for a few days of observation. I politely but flat out told him, "No thank you!"

In any event, after examining me, the head nurse filled out a standard "Medical Limitations" form and I was given seven days of bed rest. I'm to stay confined to my cell except for taking a daily shower or doing basic chores like throwing out my garbage or washing clothes. And of course I could go on a visit if I had one. But I'm happy because now I have a chance to rest my body.

My medical restriction is really a blessing in disguise. It's probably just what the Doctor Jesus wants for me at this time. I will miss not being with my friends, but I'll be fine. Jesus and I are now spending an entire week together. As the Bible says, in the Lord's presence is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).

D.B.

God's grace and the day-to-day strength He gives to His children is always sufficient. Even now, as I write in my journal while I sit on a steel stool inside a prison cell, my left foot from just above the ankle and all the way down to my big toe, is swollen and inflamed. I'm in a great deal of pain, too.

I'm also having a problem with my kidneys. Sometimes they will produce too much substance called "uric acid." As for reasons unknown to me, they're not able to filter out all the uric acid in my urine. The result is a build-up of the acid because I have more of it than my body could get rid of. So the excess acid will eventually accumulate inside my feet, ankles and legs. Then it will harden and crystallize. These crystals will then press against my nerve cells causing inflammation and swelling. This results in a medical condition that's commonly called "gout."

When someone has a bad case of gout walking is difficult, and standing is also painful. There is a continuous throbbing pain which stays with me day and night even making sleep and rest hard to get.

So when I reported myself to the prison's Infirmary this past Monday, as soon as the nurse showed the doctor my swollen foot and gave him my blood pressure reading too, he wanted to put me in the hospital. I pleaded with him, however, to instead allow me to be placed on "bed rest" status with restriction to my cell. It's definitely better than lying in a lonely room in the hospital with nothing to do but go stir crazy.

Yet in spite of the crippling pain, I am rejoicing in the Lord. My body may be hurting but my soul is well. God, I believe, is using this season of pain as a means of teaching me more about mercy and compassion.

Oftentimes I think that those who are healthy tend to despise and look down upon those who may be in poor health. We tend to take good health for granted. And we secretly feel good about ourselves when we have no serious medical problems compared to other individuals who may be going through a time of sickness.

Well never again for me. As I sit here in helpless pain I am likewise learning about humility. The Lord, I'm certain, is showing me the importance of being thankful no matter what my situation may be. Also, to make certain that when I am in good health again, to treat those who are suffering from various maladies and ailments with kindness and patience.

D.B.

This morning, while I remain on bed rest, another man who lives in the same cell block as me and attends our chapel's services and Bible studies, stopped by for a visit. I could tell he had something on his mind, too. He had a downcast countenance. He then told me of a struggle he's been having with a particular sin. I sensed he was at a point of giving up his efforts to get the victory over this weak area of his flesh.

So after a brief time of prayer together I led him to Romans chapter fifteen. I had been reading this chapter earlier so it was fresh on my mind. We looked at verse five which says that God is a patient being. In fact He is actually called the "God of Patience."

I therefore told my friend that the Lord is very patient with us. He sees our heart and takes notice of our struggles. He also hears our prayers. Plain and simple, Jesus doesn't give up on anyone when we truly desire to get the victory over sin.

I then explained that because God is patient with us we need to demonstrate the same godly patience with ourselves. Oftentimes we're too critical with ourselves. When we fail the Lord or think we've failed Him we get discouraged and may even consider giving up. We get tired of trying and want to quit. But God, however, is longsuffering toward us. I could almost hear Him saying in a loving, fatherly and confident tone of voice, "My son, hang in there and keep your trust in Me."

D.B.

My friend, Gary Lee, who lives in a big city on the west coast, is a blessed man. He has a big orange tree in the back of his house. Gary Lee and his family love picking oranges which, because of the warm climate, they can do almost year-around. He told me that he will climb up on the roof of his house and pluck oranges whenever he wanted them. Yet for me, a man who's been in prison for almost thirty years and only gets to eat fresh fruit infrequently, having access to such a tree would be like living in the Garden of Eden.

Yet like millions of Americans, my friend Gary Lee has a host of family concerns to contend with. He has kids to raise and a wife to care for. Gary Lee has to commute back and forth on a smoggy freeway, and he has to work in a tension-filled environment. His life has its share of stresses and pressures.

But when I learned about Gary Lee's tree, and how he'd gather his wife and children into their small back yard to pick oranges, I told him that the tree is a gift from God. I said this because being in prison has allowed me to better appreciate the little things in life like watching the birds come and go outside my window. Every morning I'd hear them sing, too. And during the winter months, for instance, I will watch the snow as it falls.

So for Gary Lee, his tree is one of God's oftentimes unnoticed blessings. Everyone, I believe, has something to be thankful for, even something as ordinary as a tree.

D.B.

Today is the last day of my medical restriction. My left foot is doing much better. The swelling is 95 percent gone and there's only a small amount of pain remaining. My kidneys are obviously functioning better and my strength is slowly returning. By tomorrow I hope to be back to work. I will also be able to return to the chapel services and Bible studies.

But on this sunny morning with lots of snow on the ground, I began the day with praise to the Almighty for His wonderful deliverance. God has healed my body. He has given me a period of rest.

So at sunrise I began to worship the Lord. Standing in the middle of my prison cell I thanked the Creator for making a beautiful universe and putting stars, planets and galaxies into place. He has even numbered the hairs on my head. Nothing escapes His watchful eyes.

As the book of Romans makes it clear, it is through the Lord Jesus Christ that I've been able to make peace with God. The Lord Jesus' blood, which He willingly shed on a splintery wooden cross, has washed away all my sins. And all I had to do was to place my faith in Him.

Unfortunately, however, I may never be able to make peace with each person whom I have wronged. There are those who will remain angry with me forever. This is their choice, and I must accept it. But, thankfully, I have made peace with God. This is what counts the most. And with His divine peace comes a joy which flows into and through me like a never ending river.

D.B.

Yesterday was my first day back to work after being semi-confined to my cell with a two week medical restriction. I still feel weak, however, but the swelling in my left foot has gone down considerably and there's only a slight amount of pain remaining.

It felt good being able to once again walk the hallways and corridors and see friends whom I hadn't seen in two weeks. In the morning I took a sight-impaired inmate to the hospital for his medications and treatments. Then in the afternoon, after the lunch meal, I went to the E-North cell block to spend time with the guys who are in the Intermediate Care Program. They missed me and had been wondering where I was. Now I was able to see Paul, Ozzy, "Jolly Jones," and Larry (who still wears his Army coat even indoors). There were some new faces too of men who had recently transferred to E-North from other prisons.

At three o'clock, however, when I got off work, I was very tired. So I took a nap. I didn't have the strength to go to Monday evening's chapel service. But little by little, as my body heals and my vigor returns, I will be back in full gear. I am still on a mini sabbatical though. My sabbatical won't end until the last day of March.

D.B.

In my last journal entry I wrote about going back to work after being on a two week medical restriction. And I want to write a little more on this.

Today I was thinking about the goodness of God and how He always knows what's best for me. You see, even though I've just been through a time of intense pain, I was also able to get lots of much needed physical rest. Rest, I must confess, is something that I neglect. I don't get enough of it and I end up paying a steep price for my lack of self-discipline. I have a chronic inability to allow myself sufficient periods of mental and physical recuperation.

Frankly, I'm one of those stubborn and restless sheep whom the Shepherd, in order to keep him from wandering, has to knock his legs out of joint, or even break it, in order to slow that lamb down and get him to remain still.

I'm laughing to myself as I write this because at the present moment Jesus is doing this to me. "Rest" has been a hard lesson for me to learn. Amen!

D.B.

I was greatly encouraged today when I read Psalm 31. As the psalmist's words proclaim, the Lord has known my soul during its times of trouble and adversity. For it is in the difficult periods of life, I believe, that God provides an extra measure of grace, mercy, strength and comfort to those who have faith in Him.

In addition, my faith in the Lord gets the opportunity to mature and develop too. Trials and troubles have this affect. And God wants me to grow spiritually so that my trust in Him becomes deeply rooted and grounded, and my confidence in His Word becomes stronger than ever. But I still have a long ways to go.

D.B.

I don't want to be just a "Christian." The world is full of nice Christians who offend no one. They ruffle no feathers. They grin at everyone with a syrupy-sweet smile. But they're out of touch with reality. They don't seem to be touched by the pain and suffering that many of their fellow human beings are experiencing at present. Quite frankly, they're no help to anyone in a world that's getting more dangerous by the second and may soon plunge into the darkest period of misery human history has ever known.

The Lord Jesus, however, as our example, was loving and tenderhearted. Yet His tongue was sharp. He confronted evil and religious hypocrisy when He had to. Jesus challenged those who were trapped in their sins. He showed them the way out of their mess.

In a hurting and troubled world where the lives of many of our neighbors are coming apart and they're groping for answers, we need Christians who can mourn with those who mourn, who could administer the soul-healing Word of God with power and authority, wisdom and love.

This is a big calling, and I fall short of it too. But the Holy Spirit, I believe, will show us how to do this. God wants us to make a difference in the lives of as many people as we can.

D.B.