August 2007

The thirtieth anniversary of my arrest is coming up next week. Already there have been various media outlets (newspapers, television and radio) revisiting my crimes. However, I can only hope this season of revisiting the past and rehashing my misdeeds will quickly pass. To me there's more important news going on in the world. Yet I do realize that my criminal acts were once big news. I suppose, therefore, that in this regard there will always be a degree of historical interest. Nevertheless it is painful to be reminded of the "Son of Sam" days.

I know, too, that for the most part the media doesn't see me as a human being. Their bias is obvious. And they almost never have anything good to say about me. They choose to remain focused on the past, and they tell their stories in such a way that the public would think my crimes happened only yesterday. Most of them keep the past thirty years of my life as a blank, and in my opinion I see this as prejudice. I also believe that many in the media view me as something of an amusement and as a means of selling more newspapers or obtaining higher ratings. For them it's just a business.

In addition, I've had many bad experiences with media people. I have nothing against any of them, however. But today I no longer see the media as a viable way to share things about my life or share with the public what God has done for me.

So, hopefully, whatever media coverage of my crimes comes about in the near future, it will quickly pass and be gone.

D.B.

Today I experienced great joy by seeing the smiles on the faces of the kids I gave bowls of ice cream to. On this day the members of the church that's behind the walls had our second Family Day event of the year. The last event was held on June 23 (see "Family Day 1"). Once again we had over one hundred men, women and children in attendance including many of the volunteer ministers who'd regularly come into the facility to conduct worship services and Bible studies.

This time, however, I was not a part of the work crew which had to set up and take down all the equipment. Instead I opted to be a food server. At age 54 this was a nice change for me as August is the hottest month of the year. This weekend I let the younger men handle the lifting and loading.

Being a food server, though, required me to work with nine other men to give out the food and beverages to everyone. I helped to serve the lunch meal to include soda, juice and water. Then for dessert there was ice cream. We had five large tubs of different flavors. I was one of several prisoners who had to scoop the ice cream into Styrofoam bowls. And all the food was paid for by the inmates. None of it cost the taxpayers of New York State anything.

For the event we set up our food serving station right in the middle of the prison's ball field. I had to endure a blazing sun as we had no shade or covering. Fortunately I had my baseball cap with me. But seeing the faces of the kids as I handed each of them more than generous portions of ice cream made for a wonderful day.

D.B.

Jesus said, "I must work while it is still day because night is coming when no man can work (John 9:4)." The Lord lived in an agricultural society. He knew that farmers had to do their work while the sun was up, and finish their tasks when it began to get dark. Farming, like most forms of labor, would be impossible to do when there's no light. And with this Scripture from John's gospel in mind, I believe the Lord was obviously trying to give His disciples a spiritual lesson. There's only a limited amount of time to do what we can to further the kingdom of God.

You see, as time goes on sin will increase and wickedness will run rampant. Conditions in the world will worsen, so says the Word of God, thus making the Lord's work more difficult to do. In addition, men's hearts will become harder. The increase of lawlessness will cause many hearts to close themselves to the Holy Spirit's influence. Many will begin to distrust their neighbors more and more, and the world will become spiritually darker.

Therefore today is the day of salvation. Now is the time, while there is still "Light," for the nations to be told the gospel. Tomorrow it may be too late.

D.B.

It was thirty years ago today that police detectives pointed guns at my head, placed handcuffs on my wrists, and locked me up to face charges of multiple homicides. I was in a mental fog at the time living in my own world of confusion. I thought of myself, in my twisted and demented state of mind, as a "soldier" for Satan, called to do his bidding. I was lost in a sea of self-destructive torment as well. But I convinced myself that once the chaos was over with, and my role in bringing about the destruction of society was done, that Jesus and the devil would finally make peace and become friends, and an era of universal love would begin.

Don't even try to figure it out. This would make no sense to a sane person, and it makes no sense to me now. But "Samhain ("Sam" for short)," this demonic deity whom the ancient Druids served, and who demanded of them a steady flow of human sacrifices and fresh blood, is a thing of the past. So are his demons, and mine.

Today I know a God who forgives sin. The Lord is merciful, and He has provided me a new life of hope, much to the consternation of many. But God's word is true nonetheless.

Frankly I don't deserve to be alive. I accept my punishment. I have no anger towards anyone and I've no axes to grind, although I do wish the media would leave me alone. Yet by the grace of God I am going on with my life. I'm also thankful for what Jesus Christ has done for me and for the many chances I've been given to repent. God, you see, is patient with even the worst of criminals. He likewise takes pity on those whose minds Satan has stolen.

Of course I think of those who lost their loved ones by my hands. I think about the loss and pain they're experiencing till this day. The hurt never goes away; their grief never ends. And I think, too, of what my life would be like today if I never ventured down that dark path which led to so much destruction.

Yet there is nothing I could do about the past. This is a new day. And while I've lost a great deal as well - family, friends and freedom - I have also gained much. I have a new circle of friends whom I dearly love. I can serve God here inside the prison, and I can serve Him in many ways beyond these walls via all the material that's presently available. There are testimony pamphlets (Spanish) in circulation by the tens of thousands. In addition I have several films and a book. There's also the Internet and my correspondence, too. Oftentimes I'll get letters from strangers, those who've been touched, inspired and encouraged by what Christ did with my life. It lets them know there is hope, healing and forgiveness for them as well.

On August 10, 1977 I got arrested. At the time it appeared that my life was over. Yet thirty years later I could look back and say, "Thank you, Lord Jesus!" My mind was healed and my soul has been set free. I believe, too, that my best days are yet to come.

D.B.

There is something so very deep and intimate about desiring the Lord that those who do not have the same love for Him could never understand it. My soul yearns for God. The Creator of the universe is real to me, and His heart is knit together with mine.

Each day this wonderful God of hope continues to pour more of Himself into my life, causing my soul to remain infused with hope. And the best part is that one day I will see this supernatural Being of love face-to-face. I will be with Him forever.

D.B.

Recently, during a time of quiet prayer, the Lord revealed to me that there are many who hate me. It's not so much that they hate me because of my past criminal acts. There will always be those who despise me because of this. But there is another group whom the Lord has allowed me to see - not actually seeing them with my physical eyes - but it is more like an inner "knowing" that they're in many different places. And they have set it in their hearts to seek ways to bring me down, to crush my spirit, ruin my testimony and make me into an amusement to be scorned by the world.

I know this sounds like paranoia, but it is not. As a Christian who desires to please the Lord and be used by Him, and who loves to share my story of hope and the simple gospel of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ, it is expected that those who oppose the Lord, who are hostile toward Him, would likewise despise me. After all, Jesus was rejected by the world, and so shall it be for the sincere Christian. In fact there may also be those who'd insist that they have nothing against Jesus, and will claim to actually "like" Him. Yet because they have not repented of their sins and placed their faith in Him, are by nature hostile to Christ's ways.

In any event, as I was pondering the many Scriptures which tell of God's ability to deliver His children, it occurred to me that He has most assuredly kept my personal enemies from ruining me more times than I could ever know.

As the Bible says in Psalm 18:30, the Lord is a "buckler" to those who trust in Him. A buckler is a shield of protection. And then it says in Psalm 21:11, "For they intended evil against me: they imagined a mischievous device, which they are not able to perform."

How I thank the Lord for His divine hands of safety. He has hid me from those who mean to cause me grief and harm. Yes, if the Lord had not been on my side what would've become of my life? The haters of David Berkowitz would've eaten me alive. But with the Lord there is forgiveness, mercy and hope. And I am learning to pray for my enemies. I am asking the Lord to help me to love them even though, with most of them, I do not even know their names.

D.B.

Because of the way I had lived my life in the past, and because of the crimes I committed that eventually brought me to prison, and through the media's continuous portrayal of me as a demented and sinister figure, I have to work hard to overcome immense odds in order to accomplish anything that is good and positive. Yet it is not my doing. The Lord, I believe, is at work behind the scenes. Nevertheless, through Him I have been able to conquer seemingly insurmountable obstacles in order to reach out to those young persons who may be going down the same self-destructive path I was on.

These days I see young men from all walks of life coming to prison with lengthy sentences after having committed an array of very serious crimes. And they will most likely grow old in prison and perhaps die here, too. Such a waste!

As the years go by they will be left to contemplate what brought each of them to this place. There will be plenty of time for much soul-searching and reflection. And there will be many nights when they will find themselves wrestling with the demons of regret.

However, as a result of all this, I often find myself asking the question, "Is there anybody trying to reach these men to steer them away from crime, drugs and gangs?" I'm sure there is, but the numbers who've devoted themselves to reaching out to our youth are no doubt few; there's not enough of them.

The recent murders of three young college students in the city of Newark, New Jersey, whose lives were filled with hope and promise, is an example that many teenagers and young adults virtually live in the streets without any guidance or direction. Some of the culprits who were arrested for this triple killing are juveniles who were hanging out in the wee hours of the morning.

Meanwhile, in spite of the odds I hope to continue to share my message of hope with as many as I can. And I must also add that the church needs to be praying for a spiritual awakening among the youth of our nation. Prison is not the place for young men. So my plea to street and youth outreach ministries, and those who go into juvenile detention centers and jails, is this:
REACH THEM AND TEACH THEM.

D.B.

This prison houses some of the most kindhearted, caring and decent men I have ever encountered. This is not an overstatement. During my almost twenty years here, I've seen firsthand how Jesus Christ changes lives, and how He takes repentant criminals and turns them into men of compassion. Christ takes men who've lived selfish lives and then helps each one to become a person who genuinely cares for the welfare of others.

One example that this is true can be seen when the church that's behind these walls takes a collection for a local ministry who's presently overseeing and managing an orphanage in the African nation of Zambia. Throughout the year an inmate, if he so desires, can give a portion of his own funds from his commissary account, and earmark it for "Hope House."

This money - it may be fifty cents, a dollar or more - will then get set aside and, at the end of each summer, my chaplain makes out the necessary paperwork to have two hundred dollars deducted from our church's general account. The facility's business office then issues a check for $200 which is sent to Hope Ministries in the town of Kenoza Lake, where it gets placed into the ministry's fund to help the orphanage.

These men, including myself, get great satisfaction by being a part of this. It's a good feeling to help several hundred needy children with funds for food, clothing and school supplies. Most of these kids have lost both their parents to the AIDS virus which has decimated many towns and villages throughout the African continent.

Also, concerning the Hope House orphanage, on November 28, 2006 the local newspaper, the SULLIVAN COUNTY DEMOCRAT (www.sc-democrat.com) published a lengthy article about the orphanage and the ministry who runs it. The article was titled "Giving Hope to Zambian Children" by reporter Ted Waddell.

I'm thankful for the God-given opportunity the little prison church I belong to has in being able to assist these children. In addition, throughout the year some of the men will also send their own small donations to Hope House apart from our church, and this is fine too.

Although we're convicted felons, we care about these kids. We love giving to those less fortunate than ourselves.

D.B.

Note: For verification that what I have written is true, contact:
Barbara Hust
Hope Ministries, Inc.
PO Box 75
Kenoza Lake, NY 12750-0075
(845)482-5300

In this environment where there is so much negativity and where even the good one tries to do is oftentimes opposed by bias and ignorance, receiving some good news is encouraging. And in recent days two excellent reports have been given to me.

The first one came from my friend Don who goes into the city jail in Kalamazoo, Michigan, where he shares Christ with the inmates. Don told me that the men are being inspired to develop a closer walk with God by the very same journal entries that I write on this website. He sometimes makes copies of various journal pages and discusses them in his Bible study classes.

The second item of good news concerns a residential drug and self-destructive behaviors treatment facility for women by the name of the Walter Hoving Home in Garrison, New York. I've learned that many of the residents have been touched and encouraged by my writings as well. A minister friend told this to me.

Reports such as these thrill my heart and refresh my soul. However I give the Lord the praise and glory because it's all His doing, not mine. But I am grateful to get such comments because they've helped lift me from a downcast frame of mind. Hallelujah!

D.B.

Being in prison for more than thirty years has afforded me some rewarding opportunities to get to know men whom most of society knows very little about. I have likewise experienced things and situations that the average person on the "outside" has not, and probably never will in a lifetime. Of course prison is a terrible place; it is nothing to call "home." Yet from the vantage point of being a Christian, incarceration has been for me a myriad of unique challenges as well as a vast learning experience.

The general public's view of prison life is no doubt greatly skewed by the media. I've seen so much distortion on television. I've read a lot of untruths, too.

In any event, because I'm an inmate I have the chance, through my writings or by other means, to bring forth a different perspective about "doing time." After all, I have seen these men as they struggle with a loss of freedom. And without being overly dramatic I have known men who've lost their sanity, and some who had chosen to end their own lives. And while I've never kept a detailed record of all that I've seen or heard behind these walls, I have witnessed many personal transformations. I've seen and known many success stories. Why there may be just as many success stories as there are tales of recidivism, re-addiction and failure. In reality prison is a mixed bag of men and women who must each face different struggles, but who also share a common pain.

There is also a lot of waste in correctional facilities. I'm referring to the wasting of lives through various forms of warehousing. At least in New York there are not enough programs or educational opportunities. Yes, I know that, legally speaking, education and other forms of rehabilitation are not a constitutional right. An angry society has a right, I suppose, to feel this way. Punishment in its various forms is part and parcel for prisoners, and above all else it is what prisons are mostly about.

For a simplistic approach to corrections, and outraged public wants to see some genuine suffering amongst its felons. A majority of the citizenry believe this to be a part of what justice should entail. But prison, by its very structure, has various levels of suffering built into it. Mostly it is of the mental and emotional kind through everything from crushing loneliness to the anguish of losing contact with one's family. The psychological affects of losing one's freedom is likewise painful. But there is physical suffering, too. It may entail everything from lack of privacy as cellmates watch you defecate, to guards who on occasion may have to search your body cavities, to having to deal with high levels of constant noise, bad air, germs that are easily spread, boredom, low pay, and an array of oppressive feelings and sensations that only an individual who's confined would understand.

And I believe that if not for the grace of God, I would not have survived three decades of confinement while still retaining a sound mind, a wealth of good goals, and an endless hope.

D.B.